what do you want?

i keep thinking of her.

i was sittin' across the table from her.

we were talkin' about where we wanted to go
in life. what it was we wanted to do.

i was looking for the layer below the layer.

i was looking for what was below the 'i want
to have this career, or do this particular thing.'

i watched her as she told me something she wanted
to do.

bring it down a layer, i nudged.

we tried together.
'could it be you want to offer your light?' i asked.

we weren't sure.

it was close to goin' time.
we couldn't sit with it enough.

we left it unfinished.

maybe that's why it's lingering in me.
or maybe it's the vague sense i have inside of me
that she's unsure of the light inside of her.

i'm almost positive she would easily agree she had
one. and i'm almost positive she would easily agree
it was worth offering.

so what's the vague feeling i have inside about it?

does she know she's worthy?
does she know she's beautiful?
does she know her depth of faith is inspiring?

i'm not sure.
it's not a black and white thing.

i think part of her knows and part of her doesn't.

shoot that sounds familiar.
self doubt and confidence all at once?
oh yeah.
that sounds really familiar.

maybe that's everyone.

and maybe......ohhhhhhh maybe.....
how's this for a thought.......

when we push ourselves to offer ourselves....
to offer our light, or offer our love, or work
on opening our hearts, or whatever the bottom layer
is for us that we want to do....
maybe that's when we push past the self doubt barriers.

and maybe just that....
just pushing past the self doubt and moving into
our true selves......

maybe that's what we have to offer.
even tho we think it's things like offering love,
or light or open hearts.

maybe it's just offering us.

because.....oh man.......that's what we are,
isn't it? light, love, open hearts.

that's ultimately what we are.
once we lose the self doubt.