ya just gotta do it.

i've got a story in me this morning.
once again, i hope i can make it make sense....

sometimes i think that there are people who
think that the world loves what i do and i'm
accepted wherever i go.

i laugh when i get glimpses of that thinking
and shake my head. oh no. it's just that i
tell the good stories, and leave the yucky ones
behind.

i will bring up the story of the snooty woman
who LITERALLY looked down her nose at me and
told me that my stuff sucked. now, she was
snooty so she didn't say 'sucked' she substituted
things like 'you've got quite a long way to go.'
and 'this just won't do.
you know......sucks.

i honestly stood there at the other side of her
nose...under her nose....with her looking down
on me....

she's one in a line of lots of stories.

not everyone likes a bone sigh.

that's okay tho.
cause what fun would that be???

someone who does like bone sighs came thru this
past year and told me about a psych ward that could
use some art.

i had a friend who stayed at a psych ward for a bit.
i would go and visit her. multiple bone sighs were
born outta those visits. some of the hardest visits
i've ever done in my life. because of that connection,
i immediately hopped on board and donated hundreds
of dollars of bone sighs to this place.

i had been in touch with someone there about it all
to coordinate it. i shipped off a big box of prints
and books......and never got a thank you.

it wasn't anyone else's money funding the donation.
it was mine. it wasn't a booming time for us, it
was in the thick of my financial worries.

and i never even got a thank you.

but you see.....i didn't do it for the thank you.
so i just kept goin'. maybe the thank you got lost,
i said. shrugged, and didn't worry about it.

i put these stories out because life isn't a smooth
sail for bone sigh arts. it's as bumpy as every
other ride there is. there are no smooth sails.
no mater how smooth they look on the outside.
i believe that. no one gets an easy ride.

there are times for everyone where the universe
isn't gonna give you those affirmations you're
looking for. they absolutely have to come from
your depths. sometimes, that's where they have
to be if you're gonna keep goin.

yesterday, i talked to a woman who we'll be
donating art and books to. she's the director
of a place that helps women who have been
incarcerated start new lives.

her gratitude of what we're going to do is
overwhelming to me. every part of me filled
with gratitude that i could be part of this
and that my work was actually wanted.

i felt so honored.

i thought of putting the story out here to
encourage everyone who reads this to offer
what's inside of them. to offer themselves
to the world. and then i thought how people
would nod and think 'oh yeah, well it comes
easy for her.' that's why i started with the
other stories first.

no.
no.
no.

i still can't believe that someone cares
enough that they'd say something like 'it's
a dream come true.'

huh???
you're kidding, right?

i still can't believe she's not going to look
down her nose and say 'uh, these suck. no thank
you.'

or maybe she'll never even respond after i send
her hundreds of dollars of stuff.....

ya see......the point is......it doesn't matter.
it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter.

what matters is that we have to keep offering
what's inside of us. we have to.

because what's inside each and every one of us
is the stuff that will change the world.

and sometimes the universe isn't gonna tell ya
that. sometimes you just gotta know it.

ya just gotta do it.