gatherin' my guts together...

i heard myself say it out loud for the first time
last nite....and i've been smiling about it ever since.

i'm not sure when exactly you start the marker of my
descent into my midlife stuff......it's prolly truly
eight years ago....but i tend to mark it elsewhere and
say it's been three years.

three years. at least that long. of that i'm sure.

and now.....finally....i honestly feel like i'm coming
up out of it. i've been feelin' that way for a bit now.
and it's hung in there long enough i'm feelin' like i
can say it out loud.

i'm comin' out of it.

now, sometimes i can be so thick headed.

when i have a friend entering the darkness, i always
remind them that there's gold in there. and they'll
find it if they stay open.

i know i found gold in my own darkness.

so why on earth i didn't think i'd find gold thru this,
is beyond me.

the fact that it's a complete surprise to me that i'm bumpin'
into gold nugget after gold nugget is really kinda funny.

it's a delightful, slap my head and laugh 'i shoulda
known' discovery!

but i am!
the point is, i am!
i've found gold....
actually....gold found me.

and kinda hopped into my pockets when i wasn't looking.

maybe that's why i had to sit and rest so often.
who knew?
it was a good thing!

so i reach into my pockets now, looking for some
change, not expecting that flake of glimmer to be
right there.....and i whisper with delight....
look at that!

i am rejoicing this morning.
the more i think about it, the more giddy i get.

i do believe i made it thru.
and i haven't had the guts to sing that out loud
til now.

now. i know....there's more.
life is full of passages.
and there's always more challenges ahead.

but i'm gonna gather my guts together and sing
my heart out! cause it's been one heck of a ride!