showin' it to me.......

bein' a victim is an interesting thing.

i honestly believe we all do that at different
times. thing is, i think some people choose to
live in that mode while others move on and just
fall into that way of being here and there until
they pull themselves up again.

i do not know what makes the difference in people
where some people live as victims and some don't.

i'm really curious about that.

and no, i don't think i'm a victim.
mostly.
but i do know that i fall into that here and there
and have to work to pull myself out of it.

i'm watchin' someone right now who lives in victim
land, denies it at the top of his lungs, and digs
his heels deeper into that lifestyle every day.

and i want to learn from him.

because even if i'm not living in victim land,
victim stuff can slide in here and there and where
i'm least expecting it.

and i don't want things to hold me back.
i don't want excuses to be what keeps me from
living.

and i do that.
i know i do that.
not always.
certainly not always.
but at times.
and sometimes at key times.

he's extreme.
which makes for a wonderful learning lesson.
it's real easy to see as i watch him.

and yeah, i want to ride on in, explain it to him,
and save him.....

and yeah, i've actually tried.
sigh.

victims don't want to be saved.

and i figured that out.

so i sit back and say to myself,
'hey...okay....pay attention.'
and i think about some of my own stuff.

sometimes i get mad at myself when i see where i've
goofed up....
and sometimes i get excited.
i see where i can get better and what i can let go of
and what i can do.

tonite i'm excited.....

i don't want excuses to hold me back.
and i'm seein' more and more how i really can let
go of things....
how the only one holding me back is me.

how cool is that?!
to really see it.

oh, i so wish i could show it to him....
guess i'll just have to show it to me.....