it's been a couple of funky weeks.
filled with a lotta tryin' to be there
for various people.
after finishing a conversation recently,
it occurred to me that no one's listening.
which works out okay as i don't need them to
but this last conversation made me notice it.
i've been on 'be there' mode for a fair amount
of people right now. they're all goin' thru
different things that are really hard.
so i try extra hard to be attentive and listen
and add what i can to what they're saying.
because of this 'mode' i'm in, i pay closer
attention to their reactions to what i say so
i can read what they need.
mostly i say something, they don't take any notice
and they keep on goin'.
that's okay. i get quieter and figure they just
need to be heard. so i listen.
or i try to say the things they need to hear.
and i don't say anything that i need to have heard
because i know that won't work.
'self absorbed' i call it.
and we all go there.
we don't usually notice when WE do it ourselves.
it's when others do it.
so that's when i watch and try to learn.
every one of the people i have tried to be there for
has been really self absorbed.
and every one of them is really struggling or trying
to hide from really struggling.
struggling or running.
so it stands to reason that i do the same thing.
i stop listening and get self absorbed.
isn't that funny?
prolly when we really could use some listening
and we're just tuning out.
it's like when i need to eat the healthiest
and i eat junk food more than ever.
same deal, i think.
i know for me, a way out of the funk is to get out
of the self absorbed.
hard to do when you don't know you're in it.
and thinking i need to remember this.
maybe it's really not so much a gift you give
others when you listen to them.
maybe it's just as much a gift you give yourself.