september song part two

okay....if you haven't read the post below,
september song, start there.

here's the ending to the story....

i kept thinking i needed to ask my mom if
this song had any particular significance to
dad.

i tried to call her all day.
once even when i was out having coffee with
josh and bob. i really kept being pulled to
ask. this is totally out of the norm. i rarely
call.

finally got her last nite.

she had had a great day and was telling me
all about it. we talked for a bit about that
stuff and then i said 'listen, mom, the reason
i'm calling is i was wondering if there was
any kinda meaning to the song 'september song'
for dad.'

i could feel the electricity sizzle across the
phone lines.

she had been chatty and laughing.
and i felt this sizzle.

she got hushed.

and her whole voice changed.

'that song meant a lot to your dad and i both.
it was our song.'

and she proceeded to tell me about it and then
said 'i was just singing it yesterday when i was
taking a walk.'

seriously? i asked.
yeah.
and she went on to tell my why and tell me the
whole story.

i had explained that it had been runnin' thru me
when i woke up and i had dreamed about dad.

i didn't feel like it would do anyone any good to
tell her it wasn't a good dream for me. i just said
it was an 'ordinary' dream. not like one i felt like
dad was talkin' to me or anything like that.
and i had asked my other dreams for help and i woke
up with that song. just a piece of it.

i stood there feeling her shock and the impact on
her.

'maybe i was sposed to hand that to you.' i said.

she sure thought so. and was totally moved.

the whole story is too weird.
and maybe i was sposed to give that to my mom.
their wedding anniversary is next week.
it's also the anniversary of the day we lost another
family member. so i thought i'd hang with her that day
and make the day a little easier for her.

now i feel like i just gave her an anniversary gift.
and maybe the day WILL be a little easier for her.

and that part feels good.

my inner struggles? still there.
what the heck tho. one step at a time.