Friday, December 18, 2009

this whole big hunk of woven weaving stuff....

it looks like a whole heap of unrelated things....

but they're not....

a couple of days ago, i was reminded in a very clear
way that the people i have around me now that i love
with my whole heart are here. now. and that doesn't
have to be the case. life is fragile. we are lucky
to be sharing these moments in time. don't lose the
now. live the moments.
bam. it was put right in my face.
and bam.
i saw it.


as i walked out my front door two steps ahead of
zakk yesterday, i said something incredibly dry and
sarcastic. i heard it and this thought shot thru like
a bolt and i burst out with 'i just channeled my dad!
that was my dad who just spoke!' and i laughed. it so
truly felt like it. i felt like i could just reach out
and touch him.


i had this incredible melting feeling when i read
a note from bob with a plan he came up with for us
to go away for a little bit. the idea is great, the
trip will be beyond fabulous....but what melted me
was him wanting to go. just the whole beauty of
the two of us wanting to spend time together. the
love between us. i felt it so deep inside. and i sat
and just felt it for a moment. and was so grateful
for it.


joking with zakk and yo today about the rope
(see post below.) yo added a family joke in it all.
it was a reference to someone who touched our lives
in a big way, and then kinda slipped away. i knew
the reference, laughed at the joke, and thought of
this friend with great warmth.


as i walked out the door for my walk, all this stuff
whirled inside me.

my dad is gone.
the friend with the rope joke is still here and we
touch in here and there....but it's not the same,
and he's gone in his own way.
but they still so totally live on in us.
they are a part of us in so many different ways.

and the guys and bob...they're here.
and the moments...the's all this incredible
mix of energy and emotions and connections. it's the
now. and it's the forever. this stuff doesn't go away.
even if we do. the others so totally carry it inside.
and it goes on and on and on.

i walked, looked at the sky and thought of the totally
indescribable web that we weave with each other. how
we all become part of each other. we all really are one.

it was the coolest thought.
i don't know how to put it in words.

but i have it in my heart today.

and my gosh, what a perfect day to have this in my heart.

it's the anniversary of my dad's death.
i was afraid i'd crash and kinda just fall into some
big hole of despair.

but i'm not.
i see the intricate weaving.
i see him still here.
and i see my part is to keep on weavin' what i can.
keep on soakin' up the ones i love and giving back
to them....

relishing the moments.
and carrying it all inside of me.

thinking of you today, dad.
feeling you today.
living you today.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You're so right, of course. It reminds us that energy is never lost, only changed.
Your dad is here. Now. Just in a different way.