the gold

i love my friends.
i love my friends who are so strong and honest
and care so much and put things out to me that
they're not sure i can or want to hear.

i've got a lot of them.
i didn't have them before in my life.
but now i seem to have a lot of them.
i think maybe when you're ready to be real,
you get real friends.

i just got a note from one of those friends
concerned about the work it takes in my
relationship!

how cool to put that in front of me.
how caring of her to offer that even tho
she didn't know if she'd upset me.

i wrote her things i can't write here. wrote
her the stories behind the struggles.
there are many.

and i honestly honestly believe that relationships
can be less work. that you don't need all the
struggle to have a good one!!

i think ours has them now tho.
for reasons i can't change.

and i know that i could find something easier.
i really think i could.

but it wouldn't be better.

here's the coolest thing ever.....
and i have so got to remember this in my
doubting moments.....

there is no one on earth like this guy of mine.

no one.

he's absolute gold.

and i want to make it work with him.

if it doesn't.....and you never know......
then i want to lean back and know that i did
everything i could to make it work.

and this.....this is the best part.....
these struggles we have........
and i have to remember this too......

they truly truly truly are teaching me love.

i mean that with my whole heart.

so for anyone else out there worried....
don't be.

because sometimes when you want the gold...
you gotta work for it.
and i want this gold.