Saturday, January 30, 2010

something clicked....

so i had a thought.
so deep in my bones it hit that i really
wanted to just weep.
i settled for crying a little and
curling in under my blankets and holding
it in my heart.

it wasn't just words.
it wasn't just thoughts.
it wasn't just understanding something.

it was 'getting it' deep deep inside me.

i have that bone sigh i throw out a lot:
"she didn't just survive, she became.'

she became what?
we all assume we know what.
all those things we want to become......
strong, and wise, and all that stuff
that we know that we'd fill that in

and those women who 'become' inspire
me, and remind me to keep going. they
are the lights in my life.

but what about those women who DON'T

what happens to the ones who survive
but don't become????

oh they become many things....
sisters, aunts, mothers,co-workers,
bosses...they become all kindsa things...
but not what we mean by that bone sigh

what about them??
and the feeling OVERWHELMED me.

do they not deserve...have they not earned
...our compassion and love?

if we walked in their shoes and did not
'become' either -

then what is it we would need???

these thoughts and questions filled me
so completely i cried.

certain women came to mind.
the frustration, anger, and coldness i can
have towards them filled my mind.

is that what they need?

i cried.

and something clicked inside me.
deeply deeply clicked.
and my heart opened a little wider last nite.


Nurse Practitioner Sue said...

I never think of my kids (also now all over 18) as mine....they never really were. I just got the good fortune to be blessed with them for awhile & now they belong fully to the Universe. The world is theirs..& I am just filled with humility & gratitude for having them in my life & watching them BECOME. Here celebrating the gift of Zakk & your 3 amazing men. We, among women, are deeply blessed dear friend!

AkasaWolfSong said...

You know Dear One that I had posted this to my group this morning but as I read your posting just now I felt I should send this off to you...and the one thing really jumps out at me as this can be said of any relationship we have really. Be Gentle with yourself..I will try to do that too!
We are soooo blessed aren't we?


By the Prophet Kahlil Gibran

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They came through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet, they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of to-morrow, which you cannot visit,
not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with
His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also
the bow that is stable.