it was like someone let loose a squirrel.
i was runnin' around inside the house
tryin' to get my clothes and shoes on
before i missed the magic time outside....
yo laughed at me as he saw me runnin'
thru. 'yeah, it looks nice out.' he said.
'NICE?! NICE?! NICE'S NOT THE WORD~!'
i hollered at him as i ran for my shoes.
i scurried outside and just couldn't
even decide which way to go.
ohhhhhh look over there.
ohhhhhhhh no no no look over here...
oh gosh which way should i go???
i finally finally have my energy back.
it's been missing for a couple of weeks
and my gosh,it all landed at once.
i turned the corner absolutely delighted
to be outside. i noticed my soft jeans.
wondered if there was a certain pair that
felt really good against my legs, or if
i only noticed the softness when i felt
i could tell by the energy of my steps that
there would be more than just around the
block this morning.
this MUST be a morning i go to my
i took the turn to head up.
then passed a street that if i headed
down i would be walking right into the
ohmygosh. i should go down there.
go this way.
you need to say hi to the trees and
you need to get to your spot.
ohhhhhh look over here.
i passed the iced over swampy spot
that we've named 'frog pond.'
when the kids were little we used to
go up there and look at the frogs.
go listen to the peepers in spring.
it was iced over and beautiful.
my feet turned towards it.
my head hollered at my feet.
go to the corner...then stop on
the way back.
and i headed to the corner.
THAT'S why all the rush!
it was a total glow.
a total glow.
i hopped onto the grass side
of the guard rail. unusual for me.
but i was a squirrel today.
hopped over and went all the way down
around the corner of the highway.
i wanted to see the whole darn glow.
there was a tree i never noticed before.
well, that's cause i don't usually go around
the corner of the highway....and it just
stood out so much taller than all the others.
it was just standing there above them all,
reaching up to this glorious pink orange glow.
i just stood there and looked.
my whole being got that aching feeling.
ya know that one?
where your chest just aches so bad you don't
know what to do???
i got that.
i've gotten that many times in my life and
never know what to do with it....
i always just turn to something else cause it's
too big for me to feel.
well, not this morning....
this morning i wanted to feel it.....
so i did.
i just felt it.
does it ache.
it's a good ache.
but it's so intense.
and i walked back towards frog pond just
feeling it. i stood and looked over this icy
swampy spot and pictured the boys out there
looking at the frogs. them laughing and squealing.
and the ache kept up.
i turned toward home.
now a very focused squirrel.
i saw a mist hangin' in the trees above the street.
and i thought of the ache.
it's like that, i thought.
i let it go and it just mists on out of me.
and then i really got to thinking about it.
this ache.....it's something i can't describe,
and something i don't think i need to describe.
we all know it.
it's so deep and so intense.
and i guess i always thought it came to me.
it never occurred to me before that it was
always inside of me.
and i think it is.
way down deep.
and things will come and touch it and stir it
and i'll feel it.
and i got to thinking how it's somehow related
it has to be.
it can't feel like this and not be.
and that maybe instead of turning from it cause
it's too much....maybe i need to turn to it and
reach for it.
what if i started every morning touching
and then i thought of a sunrise....
it's like mornings already do this.
it's like mornings touch that achy spot inside
them and let it out....and that's how you get a
sunrise. it's the achy feeling coming out.
and it's breathtaking. indescribable. deep.
and then.......it just fades into the day.
until the sunset.
when it comes back.
what if i did that inside me???
what if i opened up to it in the morning
and let it color my morning. let it start me.
let it light me. and then let it fade out
all the while coloring my day just a bit.
and then.....being aware of that holiness
that's goin' on...cause it seems like that's
what it is....it's holy somehow. even if i
don't understand how. it still is.
what if i took that into my day??
and then at the end of the day....i opened
up to it again. and had my own personal sunset.
and sat for a few moments with all of it.
can you imagine every day opening up to that
achy feeling every single day twice a day???
can you imagine how you'd change???
can you imagine how it'd be like letting god
loose inside you???
and the squirrel walked home....