Friday, March 19, 2010

electrifying zings and coming back to where i started

when i first started bone sighs, i felt like i was
being led, like there was something beyond me with
it all. including even getting the name for the
business. that wasn't my pick. but i listened and
took it. and now love it.

it's been something like nine years now and i gotta
say, that feeling isn't the same. maybe i lost it.
i hate to say that. but something's been different.

last nite, there was a moment up at noah's computer
where this electric zing went thru me, and i felt
like i got it popped right back in front of my eyes.

when i type it out, it sounds like a stupid little
story...not this electrifying one that i feel it is.

but the deal is, i feel like something came thru me
that i heard, and we acted upon. and it was beyond
me. or deep inside me. however it is you want to look
at that stuff.

i kinda look at it as both.

anyway.....i walked this morning and thought of it.
thought of how it felt just like when i got 'bone sigh
arts' for my business name. and i felt excited to
remember that this just isn't my gig. there's more to
it, i don't have to run it. i just have to listen and
follow. (not sure if that's my heart, the flow or what,
just know there's something)

i decided to go up to my goodmorningworld spot and kinda
just hold all this.

i stood there looking up at the sky, tears in my eyes.

'it's been a long time,' i whispered. 'a long long time.'

i turned towards home and thought of all i had been thru
since i started. there's been a lot of sadness, too much
for me to hold..and i've turned my back on whatever this
is that is back in my face.

as i walked i tried to look up at the sky. but i couldjn't.
my head kept fallin' down.

it was like i needed to say something first.

tears ran down my face as i whispered a prayer of release.

looking up, i felt different.

guide me, today. i thought.
i'll listen.

i want to come back to where i started from.


Greenwoman said...

Terri, I'm so happy you've got that zing back. Seeking mine cause it wandered off somewhere to smell the roses when we got bored with each other or something. Not sure what muses do when we aren't connecting with them, but I'm hoping to lure it back for some more play time. *smiles*

Pamela Jones said...

Just imagine, when you lay down all that sadness, what wonderful things will fill your empty arms!

So happy for you!