electrifying zings and coming back to where i started

when i first started bone sighs, i felt like i was
being led, like there was something beyond me with
it all. including even getting the name for the
business. that wasn't my pick. but i listened and
took it. and now love it.

it's been something like nine years now and i gotta
say, that feeling isn't the same. maybe i lost it.
i hate to say that. but something's been different.

last nite, there was a moment up at noah's computer
where this electric zing went thru me, and i felt
like i got it popped right back in front of my eyes.

when i type it out, it sounds like a stupid little
story...not this electrifying one that i feel it is.

but the deal is, i feel like something came thru me
that i heard, and we acted upon. and it was beyond
me. or deep inside me. however it is you want to look
at that stuff.

i kinda look at it as both.

anyway.....i walked this morning and thought of it.
thought of how it felt just like when i got 'bone sigh
arts' for my business name. and i felt excited to
remember that this just isn't my gig. there's more to
it, i don't have to run it. i just have to listen and
follow. (not sure if that's my heart, the flow or what,
just know there's something)

i decided to go up to my goodmorningworld spot and kinda
just hold all this.

i stood there looking up at the sky, tears in my eyes.

'it's been a long time,' i whispered. 'a long long time.'

i turned towards home and thought of all i had been thru
since i started. there's been a lot of sadness, too much
for me to hold..and i've turned my back on whatever this
is that is back in my face.

as i walked i tried to look up at the sky. but i couldjn't.
my head kept fallin' down.

it was like i needed to say something first.

tears ran down my face as i whispered a prayer of release.

looking up, i felt different.

guide me, today. i thought.
i'll listen.

i want to come back to where i started from.