in or out?

i was on the tread mill this morning.
just barely. i had come in from a walk and
on the walk had felt like a bear just wakin'
up after hibernation. i felt great inside.
but as i got on the treadmill, i was feelin'
more like a sluggish bear. lazy.

i was doin' the minimum.
and i was thinking.

in the past few days, i've had conversations
with four different friends about really
difficult situations in their lives. and each
time i could see that they needed to release.

ah.
easy for me to say, huh?
it's a whole lot nicer when it's THEM who have
to release and not me!!!

and every single one of these people are in a
situation that to release would take enormous
muscle power.

and as i walked, i thought about it.
ENORMOUS muscle power.

and i thought how cool it was that you needed
muscle to release.

kinda interesting.

and then i thought of my own times where it took
enormous muscle and how i certainly didn't do it
over nite. it took about 9 million gazillion muscle
flexes before i even got close to it.
and then eventually, one of those flexes knocked
the stuff outta my hands and i could release.

so i get it's not an overnite thing. if it's even
achievable. i totally get that.

but i got to thinking about how at some point we
need to be honest with ourselves and say 'i'm gonna
do the work' or not. it's an okay thing to not do
it. that's our choice. but i think we really need
to know if we're in or we're out.

and then i saw myself doin' the minimal on the tread
mill.

oh, yeah, terri???
are you in or are you out???

and i started workin' harder.
if i'm on this stupid tread mill in the first place,
why don't i work it???

it's so so so darn easy to say i'm in and just do the
minimal. that comes way too easy for me.

and so i decided to really be in.
and i watched.
it felt BETTER to put more effort in to it.
and the focus of my attention changed. and i could
feel my body more. i was more in tune.

and then i don't know how to say this......it went
to a different level. i understood my body more or
something odd like that. it was just different.

it had changed things for me.
for the better for sure.
i felt like i was really doin' it instead of sleep
walkin' thru it.

okay.
how's that work with what i was just thinking about,
i wondered.

and i think it boiled down to this.....
decide if you're in or out.
no judgments either way. just choose.
then if you're out, accept that and be okay with it.

if you're in.......be really in.
know it takes work to release.
know that it won't happen over nite.
build your muscles.
catch yourself over and over when you're goin' in
the wrong direction. redirect yourself over and over.
focus. keep on focusing on what you want.

and after a bit, you'll get in tune with that.
and it'll change. something will change....
and you'll become more of what you're aiming at.

ohhhhhhhh i liked this.

i got off the tread mill feelin' pretty good.

this applies to everything doesn't it???

hmmmmm........