Monday, March 8, 2010

turnin' to a good day....

yesterday was pay bills and finish taxes day.

at one point, i was sitting at my desk waiting
for turbo tax to load and staring at sheets of
numbers in front of me.

my eyes got teary. i was lost deep in thought,
and it wasn't happy thought.

apparently, it was written all over my face.
yo walked up behind me. i had no idea he was
there. 'you okay?' he asked.

oh great.
i thought i was alone.

oh yeah, i said.
just a little overwhelmed with the numbers.
a tear or two trickled out.

later that nite, i had the 'okay, for a little
bit we tighten the belt' conversation with the
guys.

we've had it before. everyone knows the drill.
and everyone was good about it.

this time was different for me tho.
i wasn't freaking out scared we weren't going to
make it, like i have been in the past.

i was just plain ol' sad it wasn't easier.

i just wanted it to be easier.
i was feelin' sorry for myself.

ahhhhhhhh..........that ol' feel sorry for yourself
place.

yeah.

funny too, as i had just this weekend told several
different people i wasn't worried about the money
right now. i knew it'd come.

and that's true.
i'm not really worried.

i was just sad it wasn't comin' faster, easier and
in way bigger amounts!

grin.

now careful, this really isn't a money whine. it's a
set up for something bigger.

cause we all have something we're sad about that it's
not easier, more, or better right now. we all have to
take those things and work with them.

so i walked this morning.....and i thought 'okay. so it's
not how you want it. that's the deal right now. what are
you gonna do about it?'

for me, it means workin' harder, thinkin' more creative,
and tryin' different approaches and MAKING it what i want.

it's not gonna get handed to me.
'if it was easy, ter, everyone would do it.'

but....i whined....i'm already workin' hard and puttin' in
a ton of time.

so? i answered the whine.

right now it's not an easy time.
so do what you have to do to make it better.

sittin' back in the chair sad, ter, isn't gonna help.
okay. so be sad for a little bit. you did that.
good. feel it. okay. good. give yourself some space for
that.

and then?
get up today and dig in.
don't make it about sad.
make it about challenge.
make it about being up for the challenge.

make it about knowing you can do it and then doing it.

hmmmmmmmmmm........
was a pretty good walk.

and i thought about all life stuff.
it's up to us what we make out of it.

today i don't want to do the feel sorry for myself stuff.
i want to stand up face to face to it all, and say
okay...i'm gonna take it where i can. and that's gonna
be one heck of a cool place.

turnin' to a good day....

1 comment:

Camille Olivia ~ said...

ya know, we've been taught that we have to "work harder" if we want to have the 'stuff' (money, things, etc.). but here's a thought: what if..it isn't about working harder? what if (now...bear with me here) it's about taking that sadness and/or fear and turning it to the joy we feel when we're doing what we love? what if THAT is what makes all the 'stuff' come easier? something i've been working on too. and ya know...it actually seems to work better than the 'work harder' thang. whaddya think?