workin' hard

was thinking about a comment a friend left to remind me that
maybe it wasn't workin' hard that i need to do so much as
turning the sadness and fear i sometimes feel into joy at
working with what i'm doing.

i was smiling when i thought of it.

i love what i do. so when i say i gotta work harder,
i guess that's really a big part of what i mean. if there's
no joy, it definitely isn't my work.

i want to work harder by trying harder, throwing myself
in deeper, thinking broader and wider and more creative,
and yeah, putting in more time and effort.

working harder for me is stretching myself more and digging
deeper and stepping into my fear. and i want to do that.
it's certainly not all joyful....but it leads to joy for sure.

i was thinking that 'work' has a negative connotation a lot
of times. and i really like the concept of work.

as i was thinking of this, i was walking by my elderly
neighbor's house. she hollered for me to come in and visit.

i'm behind already this morning, and normally wouldn't have
stopped. but there she was with a big smile.

c'mon in!

i went in and visited.

it took effort to go in and sit myself down and get in a
chatty space. but i did. and it was so worthwhile and good.

it took effort. was it work? well, that might be stretching
it...but it certainly was intentional and not what i would
have chosen to do right then. i did it because it was necessary
to be part of who i wanted to be.

as i was leaving, the neighbor across the street was headin'
to her car. she stopped me to tell me again how much she
appreciated my sons helping them out in the blizzard.

i thought of my sons out there shoveling out the neighborhood.
talk about work. they worked really hard. even those big
strong guys were sore for days.

they worked hard. they put in a lot of time.
and they felt really good about it.

i like working hard. i like the discipline of it, i like
where it takes me, and i like knowing i can do it.

i actually find joy in that.

so what i think i have to remember when i'm struggling and
thinking 'oh great, i have to work harder,' is that that's
a GOOD thing. i like it.

and as soon as i get involved in it, there's this wonderful
transformation that takes place inside me.

there's joy in that.

i just need to remember all this when i hit one of those
low points.......