i told him the whole story....
he hadn't heard it yet.
it worked well as it had all occurred
over several days this week so i could
put it all together and tell him.
i'd get to one of the highlights and
he'd hit his head in disbelief.
get to another and he'd lean over on
his back and close his eyes.
'this is so bizarre' he'd tell me.
we laughed a bit....but we both knew
there was heaviness in it.
i told him 'i did good, i laughed a lot
thru it, i got agitated, i cried a bit,
but i mostly laughed. it's just really
hard to hold.'
later, he was holding me, stroking my hair,
telling me that it sounded like a really
long week. and then he said 'it makes so
much sense why you have trouble trusting.'
i could feel my whole body relax.
i struggle a lot with trusting deeply.
i try real hard. and i actually have learned
to trust a lot more than i ever have....
actually, honestly, i do pretty good.
but i beat myself up a bit that it's not
easier for me.
i don't really cut myself the slack that i
could sometimes that 'it makes sense that it's
just that acknowledgment from him meant the world
to affirm each others journeys and how things can
take a toll...and how they do....and how it makes
sense......that is such a gift.
i am blessed with good friends who do that with me.
what i'm not sure they know is that their doing that
for me makes all the difference in the world. it's
what lays the ground for me to grow.......
feelin' so grateful for these people in my life.....