Tuesday, April 13, 2010


so i get a note sayin' 'huh??' about my blog below.
laughin' and laughin' here.........
(you may want to read that one first)

my buddy claims that i've already integrated my
inner child. i think she said that. grinnin' here...
she's asking if the whole deal is more just about


no i squeal!

and i can feel the inner child surfacing!

altho, it's totally totally tied together.
it's like the knee bone connected to the leg bone thing....

the trust issue's connected to the inner child issues
which are connected to the open heart issues....

but here's the thing.........
i can't live totally openly without being a child.


will i ever REALLY live totally openly.

doubt it.
really really doubt it.

not sure i even really really want it.

but........close to totally.
pretty close.
way open.

i want way open.

i want my heart to open and open and open.

cause i think god's in there.


i do.


can i be a child?


i'm and adult.

i'm a woman.

and there's beauty in that.
wisdom in that.

i don't want to lose that.

but i want to COMBINE THE TWO!

and i mean.......REALLY combine the two.

what the heck does that mean???

i honestly don't know.

i never did it before let alone even had the thought
much before a few months ago.

but maybe there's a creature that is both.
woman and child.
open and touching god.

maybe there is.

maybe that's what i'd like to be when i grow up.

not sure.

but i do know this......
it's more than a trust thing.

it's a way of life.

and if i had even had a the slightest glimpse of this
years ago, i would have said no one on earth would want
to journey with me as i do this. no one on earth would
think i was sane, let alone love me.

and then bob kinda stumbled into this whole thing.....
and he's game.
he even likes it.

go figure.

bottom line.
i don't know what i'm talkin' about.
but i do know what i'm feeling.

and it's different than anything i've ever felt before.
and the open heart seems even more possible now.
and i think i need/ed bob's help for this.

here's the thing tho......
it involves me opening.
it involves me becoming more of who i am.

and i'm not sure how.

and i'm thinking this cleared up nothing!
it still is as clear as mud like my last post!
that's cause i'm as clear as mud right now!
but i'm laughing and i'm happy......
and i don't care.....i'll figure it out as i
go along!

i hope!


faerian said...

"i want my heart to open and open and open cause God's in there"

one of the most beautiful things i've read ...ever

Pot Luck Herbs said...

I don't know if this will make any sense...but I think the key to achieving what you want, combining your "inner child" and your "adult woman" is a matter of perspective. It's like your phrase, you just need to realize that the two are "quantumly entangled!" There are times and places for everything, and that's where the adult side comes in, that's your mind that judges what to say or do when, but your heart IS your inner child. Opening your heart *is* the key, and trusting that yourself is the safest place to do that....anyway...yeah..not sure if that made sense!