Monday, April 12, 2010

a quiet deep soarin' inside....

two things have happened to me recently that have grown
my heart or deepened it or....yeah......i guess
opened it wider.

and i'm walkin' around this morning working and
at the same time my insides are kinda doin' this
soarin' around kinda thing.

one was with bob last week. we hit territory that
we had never hit before. good territory.
something so deep and profound, that i do believe
it changed part of who i am.

i feel different inside.
good different.
i haven't been able to write about it because it
is so incredibly deep inside of me.

and then this morning.....i called to check in on
a friend. i was worried about her. talked to her
yesterday and she didn't sound so good. but said
she was fine. so this morning i wanted to make sure.
called again.

she choked up and told me there was something she
needed to tell me. part of her story that she's
never shared with anyone. and it was time to tell me.

i knew there were parts she's left unsaid. and i knew
they were tremendously difficult stories because of
the ones she has shared. those were big league hard.
so if she's not telling me was even
beyond those.

and so we talked. and she shared. and she handed me
the story that she's 'most ashamed of.'

oh my heart felt so heavy for her. to carry that around
all this time feeling shame. we talked of that.
we cried over the pain of it all and i gently reminded
her to show herself compassion.

she's just now beginning to have feelings come up,
she said. and she wants to feel them. and we talked
of that.

at the end of the conversation i told her how much i
loved her and thanked her for trusting me.

she joked a bit about not wanting to come back and do
this all over again. she's a believer in reincarnation.
and she commented on how hard this life is.

i agreed it was hard. and told her i had just been
wishing i could make it easier for a neighbor.

but then...i heard another view come out of my mouth.

told her about how moments like we were sharin' right
then, about the love and trust we shared just in having
that conversation....that that felt so deep and real
and incredible to me. and how THAT right there was
worth coming down to the planet for.

i thought of feeling changed and deepened from bob's
love in me. how deep and strong and incredible that feels.

i thought of all those heart things that matter so much
to me....

how all that is worth coming down and muddlin' thru all
this stuff we muddle thru.

how it's changing me.

how it's all changing me. the good and the bad. the hard
and the incredibly powerfully good.

and how i like the changes.

i think of my friend's pain she's been carryin' for years
and i feel so sad....
and yet,i think of the trust she just showed me and i feel so

the trust and the love lived thru the pain.
it lived on.

and it will do more than live on.
it will grow and change us.

if we let it.......

1 comment:

Pamela Jones said...

There is a Buddhist proverb that says, "Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional."

Often what allows us to experience the moment of pain without having to buy into a lifetime of suffering is the love and trust of someone who is willing to hear us, accept us, and lead us away from the hurt and into healing.
You are a beautiful friend, Terri.