ghosts, stars, and the treadmill.......

i'm so excited about this one.
see if this makes any sense.......

some ghosts are getting stirred up in me
right now. i know why. it makes sense.
or so i thought.

this morning when i walked, some came up.
i wanted them to just go away. but maybe
i should be doin' something with them if
they keep coming back???

i got on my treadmill. didn't put the music
on right away. thought about this.
ya know, i think it's not the ghosts but
the terri's that were involved at these
moments that i should be focusing on.

these moments were times when i felt i
needed to keep it all together so i did what
i had to do without really taking the time
to do anything nurturing for myself.

i think too, i just didn't know what to do
for myself. i mean sometimes, you just gotta
get thru. and that's okay.

but how about now? when the ghosts keep
coming back???

maybe they're not coming back to haunt you.
maybe they're coming back to nudge you. tell
you it's time to take care of that part of you!!

ohmygosh.

that would change everything.

instead of tellin' them to go away, i could ask
them where i should look. to point the way to
healing.

ohmygosh.

i loved this idea, figured walkin' on the
treadmill prolly wasn't time to go back and
do the nurturing, but i would soon.

turned the music on and just started doin'
my thing.

i had the music on random and was just movin'
along listening when things started happening
inside of me.

a song came on about the darkness inside of her.

oh my gosh. i went right to the darkness inside
of me.

i pictured me and my insides right now that felt
dark. i went to the stars. i saw the stars all
over me. i just filled up the darkness with stars.

she started singing about 'your mother, your sister,
your wife' and i thought of my family i'd be seein'
soon....and i thought of their ghosts. their hauntings.
and i thought they needed some stars.

i'm not sure they remember theirs.

i have plenty.
i can share.

so i pictured different people and i was goin' around
puttin' stars all around them. put some gently in their
hair. near where they were sitting. just all around them.

i started crying as i was doing this.

i'm now running on the treadmill, crying and putting
stars everywhere in my mind.

then some song came on about scars.
it's some weird song the guys got me hooked on.
the singer names all these scars he's got and where they
came from.

oh my gosh.

he'd list them, i'd picture mine that went with what
he was singing and i'd put a star on each one.
some i rubbed the stars gently on, leaving star
dust over them. he sang this line about blood and rain
and never seeing it coming and i was ready to just
sob....i nodded to that one.

'i remember blood and rain and i never saw it coming
again......'

and yes, the tears were really coming now.....

and then!!! stevie (my hero, my symbol for following
your heart) comes on singing 'love struck baby.'
a real fun, kooky falling in love song.

ohmygosh......
now i go back to the ters in the trauma places that
i didn't think i should go to while on the treadmill.
doesn't matter. i'm outta control. i'm runnin' to them
all with a big grin on my face, singing this kooky
love song to them and sprinkling stars on them.

they're all not really in the best place, right?
that's why i have to go back to them.
they're all really really struggling.

and i'm runnin' around singing love struck baby droppin
stars all around them. rubbing stars on their arms
real gently so they can be covered in star dust......

they're likin' it.
it's helpin'.

by the time i got off the treadmill i was a sweaty,
teary, feelin' better mess.

stevie's lyrics ringing in my ears.
i'm love struck baby.....i must confess.........

this life i've got is so darn cool.

ghosts.....maybe they come with messages.
ters.......maybe i need to hold them more.
stars......maybe i need to share them.