one heck of a web...

two thoughts that i think might collide and
work together....

found myself in a conversation with someone
coming out of a rough time and not being able
to see the light yet.

i know that feeling.
as i walked on the treadmill this morning i
wondered how i would have felt if someone said
to me back when i was in that place the things
i said to her.

the stuff about her coming out stronger than ever
and she'll look back and wonder how she ever
could have accepted the things she did.....she
won't believe that was her..that kinda thing.

i don't think i would have believed anyone.
i think i would have thought 'yeah, yeah, but
they don't really know me and my stuff. and
i'm damaged and it's just never gonna be right.'

i wouldn't have believed anyone really could
know that. and i believed i was damaged. that
belief colors everything.

so i don't expect her to believe the things i
said, but i believe them cause i lived them.

that's one thought.

the other thought goes like this......

i've been thinking a lot about the power of our
thoughts. and i really really like the visual that
the negative thoughts are like eating heaps of
greasy french fries.

that so works for me in wanting to stop them.

be clear......this is 'negative thoughts' not
sad ones or ones honestly trying to cope with pain.
but ones where i'm callin' people names in my head.
or thinking things i wish would happen to them.
grinnin.......
yeah.....those kinda things.

so i'm on the treadmill thinking i gotta put the plate
of fries down and fill up with stars.

i went back to my stars. worked on exercising my heart.
pumpin' that sucker up strong and flexin' it's muscles.
opening and loving and knowing i've got stars floatin'
in my blood. not grease.

then somewhere in there i thought of the first part...
about tellin' that woman that she's gonna look back and
be so pleased with where she's traveled.

that's when i had the thought that tied them together.....

it's not a 'white picket fence' is it? there's no arrival
and no staying and relaxing and hangin' out at the fence.

it's a constant journey. a constant pumpin' and growin'
and workin' on putting the fries down.....

maybe what i should have said is something about it being
a constant journey. and her growth will amaze her from
here on in. cause once you start, you really don't want
to stop. and there's sooooooo much road to travel......

there will forever be grease to put down.....
and forever stars to fill up on.......

of course, she prolly woulda walked away if i told her that.
grin.

but she'll figure it out.....
and then she'll tell another woman who's just beginning the
journey....

it's one heck of a web. people-wise and grease-and-star-wise,
and journey-wise....the whole darn thing is one heck of a web...