Saturday, May 1, 2010

thick headed but growing....

i kinda surprise me with my thick headedness

talking to him on the phone, i was trying to
explain how i felt about something.....trying
to explain i was 'okay' but something was
being 'deeply' affected.


i think i have to attach a bell to the word
'deeply' and have it ring in my mind.

that should automatically signal the possibility
that i've hit 'little terri territory.'

it didn't.
and i hung up knowing that i hadn't conveyed
what was goin' on because i didn't know what
was goin' on.

soon after, he dropped me a note and at the end
mentioned 'LT' (little terri)

the bell rang.


that was it.

there was stuff touchin' in on that part of me.
and it felt really deep.

he didn't realize he was pointing it out to me...
he just mentioned it in passing.

but it sprang out at me.
right in my face.

so here's the thing.....that part of me has been
getting touched in on for weeks straight now.
some pretty intense stuff....


did i say i was amazed at my thick headedness??

i'm kinda wonderin' about life before i figured out
that part of me existed....
how difficult it must have been to hit in that part
and not even know i had that part.

at least now i know....and while i don't automatically
connect it all...sooner or later i figure it out.

and for me, just being able to wrap words around
the concept helps dramatically.

just knowing that part is in the game here and
struggling.........that will make everything easier.

for me, understanding what's reacting and why
makes it all so much easier......

amazing how it's taking me years and years and years
to figure out how i work....


Merry ME said...

Maybe the thick headedness came from when you were little your mom tried to put your hair in pigtails. She'd brush, and pull, and catch little tiny neck hairs in the before-scrunchy rubberbands. Little Ter probably hated every minute of it but couldn't say a word or it would just lead to more pulling and tugging. So she took it all inside. Eventually her head just grew a thick hide. The softness is there underneath, but the thickness is a kind of protection from all the pulling.

What's good is that LT like to come out and play, so thick headed or not, enjoy the time you spend with her.

Kelley said...

Well said, and so true! Wonderful insights for Beltane!
Be well