Friday, July 9, 2010

breezes inside and out

i sat outside tryin' to center myself.
tryin' to connect with my inner child.
she had totally gone into hiding.

just when she had finally come out yesterday,
something happened, and she slammed the door
shut tight.

i was making no progress touchin' in with her.
usually when i make the intention of connecting,
i can do it easily.

it just wasn't happening.

okay, i said.
that's okay. hunker down. i totally get that.
and i'll handle things out here.

i leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.
i thought of the things that kept hitting me.
i'm not exactly sure of the thought process,
but mixed in it all popped the word 'limits'
and 'less than'.....

and it struck me how the different situations
were times when it just felt like everyone forgot
life was abundant, life was full of god, and that
they were imposing limits everywhere.

it felt so frustrating to me. and that's the little
terri part.....she knows about abundance and touchin'
god and lovin' everyone....and she's hidin' now cause
no one else is gettin' it. and in their not gettin' it,
she's gettin' slammed.

i opened my eyes to the sky.
i thought of the term 'less than.'
i've always hated that feeling. that i was less than.
and i've had that feeling many times.

but this time the situations around me felt less than.
not me. but the situations.
just the sheer locking out of god around me.
and how it was affecting me.

eariler it was me that felt less than. earlier it had
touched my core of self doubt. but now it had changed.
i saw the situations as less than.

'and i don't know how to touch god right now' i thought.

and i swear, right then, exactly right then, this really
gentle breeze blew across my face.

i felt it.
it was so gentle.

the tears came to my eyes.
it's all right here, i thought.
it's all still in me.
and i closed my eyes, and this time i could see little terri.

i pictured us sittin' on a deck overlooking the mountains.
the breeze blowin' our hair.

it's in us, ya know? i said to her.
she was snuggled in close and enjoyin' the view.

we can't let others take it away from us or hide it from us.
that's less than.
that's taking their less than and making it our own.
and that is such a mistake.

that's what we've been doin'.

it's not ours.
don't hold it.
don't take it.

leave it be.

'they just don't know.' i told her. 'they just don't
know what they're doin. it's their confusion. not ours.
they're not bad. they just really really don't know.'

that part felt like such a huge relief.
they don't know.
they're not bad.
they just don't know.

and that's okay.

i don't think i can reasonably expect my inner child and i
to just go dancing down the street when i feel like we get
hit over and over. but i do think that i can separate their
limits from my limits.

and absolutely refuse to hold theirs in my hands.

as i typed that i so clearly saw little terri with her
arms crossed. she ain't takin' it today.

and i smile......

if we can just maintain that attitude......

and turn to our own breezes and skies and open our arms
to them......

that is so my hope for the day.......

1 comment:

Merry ME said...

I think one of the amazing things about God is that He/She is so big. And because of that we can always just reach out and touch some aspect of the hugeness of of Him/Her.

What happens, maybe, is that we get tunnel vision. Tunnels are usually long and dark. How can we see what the Creator has given us when we are in the dark? Sometimes all it takes is that gentle breeze to show us the way.

I hope LT will change her mind and come out to play at least for a little while today. Have you tried blowing bubbles?