Sunday, July 11, 2010

memories in 3D

so it's a kids movie.
'despicable me' and bob and i are there with
our 3D glasses takin' in the show.

when a strange thing happened.......
some moment in the movie triggered a childhood
memory for me.

a memory of something i did that was really
cool. suddenly i wasn't at the movies anymore.
i was back remembering.

and i was thinking about this little girl who
did this really generous thing. and then another
memory came in. and another.

and they were all memories of this girl who was
generous and thoughtful and caring. i could see
so clearly in these acts a heart that truly was
awesome. there was no doubt. no doubt. i knew.
i just knew. it was so obvious.

and there, in the middle of the theater, behind my
3D glasses, in the dark, the tears were rollin' down
my face. cause i could see this awesome little girl
was part of me. we were the same.

during the week, something that happened with my family
hurt really bad. it hurt deep, and it sent me spinnin'.
i had to work hard not to go to places i used to go to.
i was fine by the time the movie came around altho the
movie was goin' on at the same time something i was really
hurt about was goin' on. i was aware of the timing and
aware of the pain, but happy i was with bob and tryin'
hard to stay centered.

and then....bam.........this scene in the movie....and
the memories.....and the tears.....and then this deep
deep knowing that i wasn't just a good daughter. i was
an awesome daughter. i was just filled with it.

the movie continued, i tried to focus......but then another
scene triggered more stuff. and more tears.....

and i thought of my family. and i thought of that girl growin'
up and how she grew up into me. and how we were so the same.
our hearts were so the same. my heart hasn't changed. it's
only deepened in a good way. and it's a good heart.

we came outta the movie and bob asked how i liked it.
actually, some of the movie really bugged me as i think they
were wrong to put in some of the abusive kid stuff that they did.
so i said 'it was okay.'

he looked at me. 'that's it? it was okay?'
i guess i'm usually more of a movie reviewer than that....

i told him i really wasn't into a few of the things they did
with the kids. he said he actually even read that in a review.
felt good i wasn't the only one who felt that way...
and then i said.....

'well, i kinda left in the middle of it.' and looked
over at him.

he's used to me. doesn't hesitate. 'where'd you go?'

and as we drove home i told him about it.
and i could feel this feeling inside me.
it wasn't that everything with my family was easy now and
i was all fine and dandy.
what it was tho was maybe even better than that...
it was a deep knowing that i was an awesome daughter.
seen or not seen.
i saw it.

and that this morning is still feeling way deep and good.


Merry ME said...

I don't know the exact quote but remember in the Wizard of Oz when Glinda the Good Witch tells Dorothy that the power was inside her all the time?

That's what I thought of when I read this post. And I smiled at you and Little Ter and thought of ME and Little Carolyn. What a true and wonderful gift that you had the knowledge of your awesome daughterness inside you all the time and at just the right moment you were able to see it.

Wouldn't it be cool if we all had a magic box where we could put these moments and pull them out to look at them over and over again so we don't forget again. For me, the awareness is one thing. It's the remembering that's hard to do. Of course the discovery or re-discovery is a little like having Christmas over and over again which is not a bad thing.

Here's to you, Awesome Girl, and here's to Bob who knew to ask the right question!

You have the biggest, most generous heart of anyone I ever knew. It comes as no surprise that it's been there all along.

Anonymous said...

"and it's a good heart." Yes, yes it is Terri. If you could watch women pick up the outpourings of that good heart the way that I get to in the shop, watch them put their hands to their chests or their cheeks in that way that women do when something's touched them...if you could watch them call over to their friends to share that feeling with them...if you could see the reverence with which some of them place your work on the counter, Terri...if you could see that.
It is a magnificent heart. You are a magnificent daughter. You are a magnificent soul. No matter if anyone else ever sees it.