a good cry

so there's a lotta stuff goin' on around me.
i know that.
and i just kinda tried to brace myself.

and then there was some stuff goin' on directly
with me.

okay.
not so braced.

still thinking i had a handle on things, i kept on.

then i saw i really didn't.
have a handle.

and i was tempted to fall apart.

but nope.

wasn't gonna.

was gonna hold it all together.

tried all day to do just that.

avoided talkin' about stuff with anyone where i'd cry.

and then i walked by noah.

he was reading in the living room.

'how ya doin'?' he asked.

i nodded, said fine and then scooted in the bathroom
so i could kinda not cry. just to get a grip.

walkin' out, he pointed to the couch for me to sit.

i shook my head.

'nah, i'll just cry' i said and kept on goin'.

he stopped me.

pointed to sit down.

i sat.

and i cried.

zakk heard the commotion and came up.
sat next to me.

arm around me.

we talked a bit.

and then decided it was time for a junk food run.

oh yeah.

as i was getting my shoes on to head out with noah,
i felt so much better.

crying.

i don't get it.

why do i stop myself from crying???
why do i think i'm stronger if i don't cry???

i NEED to cry.
sometimes it is such a good release.

i truly feel like i can handle the stuff now.

like it's not so overwhelming.

all because i cried.

well.......and because i have a home where i can cry.
and sons who allow it.
and junk food in my kitchen.

all may not be right with my world....
but i feel a whole whole lot better.