so there's a lotta stuff goin' on around me.
i know that.
and i just kinda tried to brace myself.
and then there was some stuff goin' on directly
not so braced.
still thinking i had a handle on things, i kept on.
then i saw i really didn't.
have a handle.
and i was tempted to fall apart.
was gonna hold it all together.
tried all day to do just that.
avoided talkin' about stuff with anyone where i'd cry.
and then i walked by noah.
he was reading in the living room.
'how ya doin'?' he asked.
i nodded, said fine and then scooted in the bathroom
so i could kinda not cry. just to get a grip.
walkin' out, he pointed to the couch for me to sit.
i shook my head.
'nah, i'll just cry' i said and kept on goin'.
he stopped me.
pointed to sit down.
and i cried.
zakk heard the commotion and came up.
sat next to me.
arm around me.
we talked a bit.
and then decided it was time for a junk food run.
as i was getting my shoes on to head out with noah,
i felt so much better.
i don't get it.
why do i stop myself from crying???
why do i think i'm stronger if i don't cry???
i NEED to cry.
sometimes it is such a good release.
i truly feel like i can handle the stuff now.
like it's not so overwhelming.
all because i cried.
well.......and because i have a home where i can cry.
and sons who allow it.
and junk food in my kitchen.
all may not be right with my world....
but i feel a whole whole lot better.