she's on my mind today...

today's the day she has a horrendous operation.
she's in there right now, as a matter of fact.
will be in at LEAST ten hours...
it's something that none of us would want to have
happen to us.
and there she is.

and she's on my mind big time.
with everything i do.

as i biked i thought of her.

when i came home and did my little exercises,
i flopped back on the floor and thought
'what the heck is it all about??'
that thought runs thru me a lot.
and i thought of her.
what would she say today in answer to that question?

and then as i was on the treadmill, i got to thinking
of the fight we put up to stay alive.

she's fighting as hard as she can.

and i got to wondering why exactly do we do that.

is it cause life is the known and familiar?
is it cause whatever happens after this life is unknown
and that's just too scary?
or is it cause our lives are so amazing and we just don't
want to give them up?

and if that's the reason.....do we act like it?
do i act like it?

if i was where she was right now, what would i be fighting
for?

what baggage/garbage/trivial gunk would i see clearly for
what it is and be eager to drop? what things would i know
were so precious and so tremendous that they would make me
do anything to stay alive?

am i clear on all that?
if so, why get stuck in the trivial still?
if my life is so darn fantastic that i'd do anything to
stay alive...where's the actions behind that belief?

i have some, to be sure.
some of my actions totally back that up.

but don't we all lose focus?
don't we all forget/take for granted/get sidetracked?

and yeah, i know......that's human.

but the degree of that is our choice.

she's got me thinking today.
she's on my mind today.
and in my heart.