a tune up

'the art of loving' is a book that made a great impression on me.

i've been meanin' to read it again.
ya see, i REALLY think there's way more to love than most of us
realize. i REALLY do.

loving someone else, loving ourselves, and being love.

and lately i've been feelin' that a lot.

so i pulled that book right off the shelf this morning
looking for a really good tidbit to chew on.

i found a gazillion. and oddly enough, would lose them just as fast
as i found them.
so i ended up really taking some time browsing thru the book.
my gosh. i'm gonna read this again.

but here's what i picked out to share this morning....
he's talking of giving. first material possessions, and then
giving of oneself.


'he gives of himself, of the most precious he has, he gives of his life.
this does not necessarily mean that he sacrifices his life for the other -
but that he give him of that which is alive in him; he gives him of his joy,
of his interest, of his understanding, of his knowledge, of his humor, of
his sadness - of all expressions and manifestations of that which is alive
in him. in thus giving of his life, he enriches the other person, he
enhances the other's sense of aliveness by enhancing his own sense of
aliveness. he does not give in order to receive; giving is in itself
exquisite joy. but in giving he cannot help bringing something to life
in the other person, and this which is brought to life reflects back
to him; in truly giving, he cannot help receiving that which is given
back to him. giving implies to make the other person a giver also and
they both share in the joy of what they have brought to life. in the act
of giving something is born, and both persons involved are grateful for
the life that is born for both of them. specifically with regard to love
this means: love is a power which produces love; impotence is the
inability to produce love.'
~~~~~~~

this hit really good this morning.

i've been thinking of how often i give to get.
yeah.....even when i think i'm not.

there's something i did recently that i was sure i did just to give.
if you had asked, i would have answered with certainty that this was
completely for giving's sake.

and then....judging from the reaction i had to the whole deal after the
fact, i realized i truly was looking for something.

i was bummed.
not so much cause i didn't get what i wanted....
but because it's so hard to be honest with myself.
i can THINK i'm doing something for one reason, and not even realize
i'm kidding myself.

how do you stop doin' that????

in thinking of all this, and reading this above quote,
i see that i'm doin' that a lot more than i realize -
giving to get.

gotta do some real soul searchin' here........

somewhere in the book he also mentioned being aware of yourself
as you are a fine tuned machine.

this would be one of those things in this fine tuned machine that's
veered a bit off course.....

hmmmmm........gonna pull into the garage for a little tune up.