relationships

i never thought of myself as very female.
i just don't.
i mean, i know i'm female.
but i don't think of myself as girly.

my guy chokes when he hears this.
he doesn't think i can be much more girly.

and so, looking at it all thru his eyes, i see what
he means. i'm really emotional, totally verbal,
cry at the drop of a tissue....that stuff.
okay. so i'm feminine that way for sure.
definitely think like a woman.

i don't think he can be any more male.
oh my gosh. a large percentage of neanderthal blood runnin'
thru his veins. sometimes it amazes me so much that
i just sit there looking at him, not sure what to say.

when you bring us together to communicate, it can be
a pretty weird thing. some of it we've got down beautifully.
and some of it we really really suck at.
it truly is like two foreigners tryin' to communicate.

i saw this clearly yesterday. really really clearly.
and i wondered how any man and any woman REALLY communicate
with each other.

i think a whole lot of it is a PERCEPTION that we're communicating
when in truth, it's not anywhere near what we're thinking.

i think a whole whole lot of it is skating to get by. and learnin'
how to get by.

i seriously do.
i did that in my marriage, and i see a whole lotta my friends
doin' that in their relationships.

there's a whole lotta not seein' goin' on.
and a whole lotta not talkin' about that goin' on.

so i thought of women communicating with women.

the thought ran thru my head....if i don't make it with my guy
here, i'm not doin' this again. i'll try a woman!!! it's GOT to
be easier communicating with a woman.

and then i thought of my lesbian friends.

um.
not so.
doesn't seem easier at all.

it's not just the mars/venus stuff......
it's all the baggage all the vulnerabilities, all the stuff
that gets in the way.

okay, i thought.
if i don't make it with my guy, i'll get a pet.

and i laughed.

nah, what i want is to not just make it with my guy.
i want to see him clearly and hear him clearly.
all the time.

what's interesting to me is that it's not just about how
we word things to each other, it's also directly related
to how healthy i am inside. how open i can be, how vulnerable
i can be, and how much baggage i can really put down.

relationships are so much deeper, so much more powerful and
so much more transformational than i had ever realized.

if we choose to open our eyes and see.........