he gave me the space i needed yesterday to talk, cry,
and think about it all.
and then he helped me with the lighting of the candle.
just made the room for me to be able to do it.
i had heard from the woman who had been struggling so.
not enough to know if she had decided to stay living,
but enough to know that she was still here.
and so i lit that candle for her and for the one i lost.
and then we sat in the living room talking about it all.
when the guys landed in, the chatter turned to life
and our days and laughter and goofiness.
every now and then i'd glance up at the lit up star and
just hold them in my hearts.
and then i'd look around the room at the guys i loved so
much. and join in the laughter.
i told myself over and over yesterday that it was a process.
and that that was what i needed to value.
that's beginning to make a whole lotta sense to me.