Wednesday, November 17, 2010

goin' outside to get inside

i stepped out my door to say hello to the morning.
my socked foot landed on a wet leaf and i smiled.
ohhhhh man, i am sooo headin' out here today.
and i hurried off to get my shoes.

as i turned off my driveway into the road every bit
of me was thrilled to be outside and i felt like
a walking sponge soakin' up the air and the color.
even my arms felt like they were tingling with excitement.

i thought of the book i had just started reading.
another joan chittister book. this one on growing old.
i've only just begun. she mentioned finding our meaning
in life, finding what we are when all the other stuff is
gone - careers, kids, that kinda stuff.

i walked and thought about that. and was soooo darn full
of the feeling of being alive and soakin' in the outside
that i thought i'd pop.

i felt it. how strong and good and incredible that felt inside
of me. and then i had a really sad thought. and i watched
what it did inside of me.

i took it and mixed it with the incredibly good feeling i
was having. i mixed them and watched.

i honestly could feel all the mixing goin' on inside of myself.
i could feel reactions thru out my body. and while the feeling
was completely different now, it was still strong and alive.

i always need to go outside, i thought.
how is it i don't get out enough?
and i so need to remember this as i grow older.
this is where i feel alive.

there is so much inside of me. there's a whole world inside
of me. and when i'm outside somehow i can feel it all and
touch it all.

and in there is my meaning in life.
whirling inside of me.

i remembered my mantra of when i first started out on my own.
'everything i need is inside of me.'

i said it again and smiled.
i think i've been forgetting that.....

everything i need is inside of me.
and going outside helps me find it.


Wild Roaming One (WRO) said...

i wish you could see the huge grin i have shining from my heart's inspired by so much today, even though i had a meltdown and i'm still shaking in the corner in that dark place. i know i have what i need inside, i see it more and more as i detangle it from the crap of self-doubt.

oh man terri, thank you for this today...

WRO xo

Coleen said...

been catching up reading your posts...they always light up my heart..I wish you were my neighbor so we could go for walks and jump in piles for leaves..... I love the last two lines:everything i need is inside of me.
and going outside helps me find it.
I do not go outside very much either...but, it always makes me feel so good when I do..I will go outside today!.......ya, know, I just had a thought, maybe "going outside" means going outside ones self...reaching out to does feel good to give, and terri, you are one heck of a share your soul, and so many of us resonate with you....thank you giving girl!!
Heart Hugs,