honoring the day

i never quite know what to do with veteran's day.

the very first thing i can really remember about
a vet was my babysitter dated a vietnam vet.
and my mom used to try to explain to me that he
had some problems because he was in vietnam.

i remember the tone of her voice and i remember
the feeling when i was around him. he was scary
to me.

later, i heard stories of how the korean war
affected an uncle of mine. of things he did when
he came back home. of things he saw when he was
in the war.

those were the first vet stories i remember.
and now, i've heard so many different kinds.
world war two guys tellin' me some stuff.
world war two guys telling me nothing. they won't
talk about it. some talk. some don't.
one guy smiled thru the most gruesome story and
just made my insides go cold.

vietnam vets, korean war, the wars now....
josh tells me stories of guys he knows.....
legs missing, young young guys...

i think of all this and don't know how to honor the day.
thanking them for what they sacrificed just doesn't
work for me.

acknowledging it seems at least a start.
acknowledging this is so big that i don't know what to
do seems a start.
acknowledging my complete confusion with this stuff
my understanding that there are no black and white answers.
and that i am beyond grateful for my way of life.
and that i know not all of it has been about my way of
life....and i don't have any answers.

i can't even begin to try to hold the pain that vets have
lived thru and cannot put down.

i open my heart today to all of that.
and close my eyes and honor each of these people today.
and pray that we somehow find our way to learning peace.
within ourselves and thru out this world.