i sat having a salad with my guy and his son.
it was a new panera and it was cozy and warm.
we had just taken a chilly walk and it felt good
to snuggle in. where i sat, i could see the sunset
it was the town below the one we usually meet up in.
and it's the town my sons and i will be in tomorrow.
so i turned to his son and asked him if he'd heard
about the boy who got killed in the war from that town.
and he added that he had friends that were close to the
and he heard what i did. that that group that spews hate
at funerals of guys who died in the service will be there.
i just even hate naming them. i don't want to give them
any power whatsoever.
we talked about it briefly. there will be a gathering of
people to stand and block the group as the family drives
by. he's gonna try to be there.
my sons and i will be there.
and from what i can tell, a whole lotta people will be there.
the topic changed and moved on.
and the sun kept setting.
the awareness that i was sitting in this new panera in this
kid's home town and that he'll never sit in it, hung around me.
when we pulled back into my driveway and i saw josh's car there,
the awareness of lost sons was still on my mind. it felt so
good to see that car.
when i walked up to the attic where they all were hangin' out
talkin' to each other, i held the scene.
tomorrow i will watch a family enter a funeral for their dead
19 year old son. and i will stand quietly and try to block
the view of completely insane hatred.
and i will mourn for the world.
and somehow i will try to hang on to the idea of being love.