Saturday, November 6, 2010


i just watched this whole little thing take place
inside myself. and this watching of it, so far,
has changed something about it.

let me see if i can explain this.

i feel like i got slammed in the face.
it's a great description because i think my head
even went back a little bit like it got hit.
and my whole body felt something. hurt. jolted.
that kinda thing.

wow, huh?

an emotion can so feel like a slam in the face.
i mean, it REALLY did.

then i steadied myself, tried to figure out what
happened, fought off a few tears, tried to think

then i kinda acknowledged it was no surprise,
my face would survive. no teeth got knocked out.
and stepped back a bit.

and then i started looking at it all. not the
feelings part, but the reaction part.

so what happened doesn't matter.
that's not the point of the post.

the point is this whole reaction i had. and the watching.
and when i step back and watch it turns so much
more objective.

one of my all time favorite books, called 'who dies'
is written by a buddhist who keeps tryin' to teach
the stepping back and watching. i say 'tryin' because
well, i suck at that. i get caught up and carried away
in it all.

so while he may teach it just fine, and he's one heck of
a writer....i'm a little lame with it all.

but this morning it happened. just like he said to do.
well.....noooooooo that's not true.
i haven't gotten to his part yet.
i'll do that in a moment here.......

i stepped back and watched.
detached and observed.

now, he'd ask 'WHO got hit in the face?'

and okay, that's where i get a little lost.
a shower will help me find my way.
i'll go do that.

but this was too cool not to share......

i actually think i'm gonna try to be aware of this
all with it a bit.
see what happens....


Merry ME said...

I'm sorry you got slammed but glad for the insight. Right now, for me, it all seems rather impossible. I admire you willingness to learn and grow.

Coleen said...

Hi Terri,
I so look forward to your bonesigh quotes in my email...its like you really get what is going on...I have read thru several of your blog posts, but, I do not really see where your woundedness begins..your story..
I never ever felt this way before...hmmm that line reminds me of a song....anyway, my story begins with my husbands death...I feel like I am wearing a veil of sorrow and I want to take it off, but I am stuck...we were married for 30 yrs and he has been gone for 5 months...its getting harder, not easier with time and people think I should be further along in my grieving than I am...I truly am trying...I do not like feeling like this..I have been slammed in the face with emotions...and I am not a crier...I will try watching it from outside myself as you suggest...I have heard of this idea before..kinda like "go sit on the moon and watch".....I know my adult kids are watching me and not liking what they are seeing in their momma....I will try to put on a happy face...who knows, maybe that will help?
Heart Hugs,

AlmightyHeidi said...

listen :)