watchin'

i just watched this whole little thing take place
inside myself. and this watching of it, so far,
has changed something about it.

let me see if i can explain this.

i feel like i got slammed in the face.
it's a great description because i think my head
even went back a little bit like it got hit.
and my whole body felt something. hurt. jolted.
that kinda thing.

wow, huh?

an emotion can so feel like a slam in the face.
i mean, it REALLY did.

then i steadied myself, tried to figure out what
happened, fought off a few tears, tried to think
clearly.

then i kinda acknowledged it was no surprise,
my face would survive. no teeth got knocked out.
and stepped back a bit.

and then i started looking at it all. not the
feelings part, but the reaction part.

so what happened doesn't matter.
that's not the point of the post.

the point is this whole reaction i had. and the watching.
and when i step back and watch it turns so much
more objective.

one of my all time favorite books, called 'who dies'
is written by a buddhist who keeps tryin' to teach
the stepping back and watching. i say 'tryin' because
well, i suck at that. i get caught up and carried away
in it all.

so while he may teach it just fine, and he's one heck of
a writer....i'm a little lame with it all.

but this morning it happened. just like he said to do.
well.....noooooooo that's not true.
i haven't gotten to his part yet.
i'll do that in a moment here.......

i stepped back and watched.
detached and observed.

now, he'd ask 'WHO got hit in the face?'

and okay, that's where i get a little lost.
a shower will help me find my way.
i'll go do that.

but this was too cool not to share......

i actually think i'm gonna try to be aware of this
all weekend.....play with it a bit.
see what happens....