the dance of the season...

bam.
bam.
bam.

the hard things come up one after another.

bam.

settle yourself, get yourself okay again.

bam.

another.

tis the season.

it's okay tho.

cause tis also life.

one of my good friends got hit hard.
deep in her heart.
rattled to her core, she reached out.
i grabbed her hand and squeezed tight.
cause there was nothing else i could do.
i held her sorrow with her.
it's the worst kind of sorrow....
on-going that you have no control over and
you must watch play out.

later she wrote me that she was beginning to
understand that this was life. the way of life.
the joy and the sorrow.

i smiled.
we're both beginning to 'get' it.

that it's always a mix. and some of the parts of
that mix sure are hard.

and some of the parts of the mix sure are good.

i got the 'man, i just don't fit anywhere' feelin'
come over me again. mixed in with some family
sadness, it felt deep.

i hate that one.
and i certainly don't want it now.

but i let it come in.
said hello to it.

it's still floating around the corners of me, but
there's a whole lotta other things floating around in
me as well.

i'm beginning to see that.

there always is.

different mixes.

different potions.

which parts do we give the power to?
which parts do we focus on?

i turned my christmas music on and sang
to my heart....

it's the season of hope.

that's what it is for me.

hope in the darkness.

so it's okay that it's not all sweetness and light
inside me every minute. cause that's what the season
is for.....to give hope in the dark.

and when you look at the light of hope....
when you focus there....
you can't be focusing on the other.

and when you really focus, you can begin to step
nearer and nearer to it.

and the warmth becomes stronger and stronger.

over and over i do this dance.

get knocked away from the flame.
get up confused.
find the light.
focus.
step closer.
warm.
know.
believe.

repeat.

the dance of the season.
my dance of life.