Friday, December 3, 2010

just thinking...

i was struggling with something as i headed for
the grocery store. as i backed out the driveway i told
myself 'it's not the goal, terri, don't get stuck on
the goal. it's the process. watch the process that's
going on and do the best you can thru that.'

i still felt wobbly as i walked into the store.

standing in the pasta aisle, i looked up when i heard
her coming. she works there. we know each other kinda.
it's hard not to know people who work at the same store
for years.

she's always upbeat and happy.
not this time.
i turned and asked her what was wrong.

as she filled me in, tears come to her eyes.
her story was filled with so much pain, i just wanted
to cry. i held the tears back as it seemed more help that
way. but as i said goodbye and turned down the next
aisle, it was all i could do not to just break down
and cry.

pulling it together, i kept going.

a few more aisles and i ran into another worker i kinda
know. he's been thru his own pain. i'm not sure what the
stories have been, but they have so been on his face over
the years i've seen him at the store.

i stopped to say hello. and i don't think i ever gave
him such a gentle hello. i heard my voice and surprised
myself. we talked for a moment. and his thanksgiving report
skirted around sadness.

as i kept on goin' i thought of the struggling all around everywhere.

and then i hit the check out.
the two guys bagging were oh man...i don't even know what
the politically correct words are....mentally challenged.
and completely wonderful. they'd put one item in a bag and then
put it in my cart. one guy put the cookies in so gently it was
if he was putting in a baby into my cart.

unfortunately, they got the cashier who has no sense of humor
at all. while she wasn't unkind, she certainly wasn't fun.
so i hopped in to make it all a little more fun.

but as i stood there, i thought of the challenges these guys
have...and their parents must have...

and i really thought i was gonna lose it right there at the
check out.

just hold on, ter, you can weep in the car. just a few more

but by the time i hit the car, the cold air had knocked the
tears back.

i was thinking tho, that life is so so so full of hard things.
again, i reminded myself it's not the goal.
it's the process, ter.

and how we treat each other as we go along.

noah just sneaked outta here so zakk wouldn't catch him.
he was headin' down to finish our elderly neighbor's lawn.
gettin' the leaves up. zakk had done most of it yesterday,
and now noah was headin' down without zakk knowing to give
him a break and finish up.

so much of the process is how we treat each other.
so much of that matters.

i watched noah slip out the door and i wanted to cry again.

maybe it's hormones that makes me want to cry.
maybe it's life.
whatever it is, the moments to touch another are everywhere.
as are the struggles.

and those moments of touching ease those struggles in a way nothing
else can.

to be aware of the power of our touching...
and to touch at every turn...
how wonderful that would be.