offering

i was just writing to someone who wrote me privately
regarding the post below.

in the post below i said i couldn't think of one woman
who's come to me with the topic of abortion.

and that's true....
but as i wrote this woman just now, another woman
popped into my head.

her story.
and the weirdest thing is she's one of the closest
people in my life.

and that is so part of her story.

so how come she didn't come to mind???

and it hit me....when she told me about it....
it was one really awful story in the midst of a line
of really awful stories. it was part of the whole
string of 'em.

she wasn't singling it out....
she was listing things.
and then when i asked about that she described it.
and it's the stuff disturbing movies are made of.

i don't know how people find their strength sometimes.
when there's just one long string of awful things
to tell.....

and i know some don't find that strength.
some are trying really hard their whole lives.
and some find it.

'self hatred' came up in a note on this topic.

self hatred.

i wish i could touch that woman....all women....
carrying that around and just melt that hatred away.

i really wish i could do that.

i wish i could take judgments away and replace them
with compassion.

i wish i could take thoughtless insensitivity away
and replace it with kindness and understanding.

there's so much i wish i could do.

we can't take that stuff away in others.
but we can take it away in ourselves.
we can replace the hatred with compassion and understanding
and forgiveness.

we can.
it can be hard.
it can be so so so hard.
but we can.

i really want to put it out there today.
just one step at a time,ya know?
finding our way to self forgiveness for anything that we're
feeling that way about.

funny thing is?
truth?
there prolly isn't anything to forgive...
prolly just a whole lot to understand.