relationship thoughts...

relationships are on my mind!
and yes, this time i DO mean the relationship with your partner.
so many times i write about love here and people think i must
be referring to my guy when i'm not. there's so many kindsa loves
to refer to. and there's a whole lotta places in my life love
confuses me...
but today.....it's all about our guys or our women or whoever
that partner is.

for the last week relationships have been the topic everywhere
i turned. it's gettin' a little hard not to notice. and this
morning something was big on my brain...thought i'd share.

at what point do we start thinking that we don't have to nurture
what we have anymore?

i think that's a really interesting question because i'm not sure
how much anyone really goes in consciously thinking about it.
well.......until you get divorced and go around for the second time.
that's been a topic between my guy and i from day one.
we learned the hard way. and we know how much it matters.
and we've always put it on the table.

and while it's something we talk about often, it's still hard to
keep in mind and do. that's comin' from people who know better.
and how about for those people who haven't learned the hard way yet?
or who have forgotten?

how do we forget that?! how do we not know that?! if we don't
pay attention to nurturing it, don't we know it's not gonna work???

and here's one i have to remember....
how often do we get caught up in our own stuff and forget to see the
other person? to nurture them??

when i was seeking out the meaning of love, the only thing i could
ever come up with as a real facet of it was that loving someone meant
reaching beyond your own gunk to touch them.

that sounds so simplistic and obvious.
but um...i think that takes TREMENDOUS strength.
i've done it, and i've had to use every muscle i've had at times
to pull it off. it's no easy task at certain moments.

i can do it. and in the obvious bad times, i know i have to.
but it's the not so obvious bad times -
it's the times i get hung up in my needs not getting met that i forget
to do that. it's the sneakier times where it evades me.
where i start focusing on just me.
that's when i think it gets dangerous for me.
it matters all the time. and i think especially then.

nurturing. seeing. showing that you do....
if you don't have that both ways, what the heck is goin' on?
what are you there for???

there's something so easy about slipping into a place of taking
for granted. of just assuming. of being distracted.
it may seem easier at the moment....but it sure isn't down the line.
and it leads to such emptiness.

all these conversations i had were about other people's relationships.
not mine. but i took everything and put it into my own stuff, talked
it over with my guy, gave it all a lot of thought....and found a place,
a very important place, where i was shorting him.
where i wasn't stepping up to the plate like i should be.

i came to it on my own.
and i stepped up.
cause i want this.
i want it to be real.
i want it to be fulfilling.
and i want it to be love.

i gotta do my part to make that happen.
it's not always his fault, ya know?
grinnin' here.....
and hoping we all take a minute to think about it.
if we're lucky enough to have a significant other in our lives right now,
are we valuing that? respecting that? demanding all we can from it?
from both ourselves and from them?

if not......how come?