gearin' up...

love.
it's the month of love.
and yeah, i love valentine's day.
i heartily cheer on the month of love.
i always put in the disclaimer that it's not about
romantic love....altho it includes that.
it's about all love.

and my gosh, remember when i said sometimes i feel like
life just talks to me??

well, apparently, it wanted to talk to me about all kindsa
love and what that means to me this month.

cause....man, it's been beyond talkin'.
it's been slammin' me hard in the face, it's been lifting
me up by the seat of my pants and swinging me in the
heights....it's been playin' with me big time. some wonderful,
some not.

the other nite i felt 'stunningly beautiful.'
now, i doubt you'll hear that many times from me.
i have to work on that area of my life....i don't usually
feel beautiful. yeah, i know. i'm workin on that.

but i felt stunningly beautiful.
and it had nothing to do with my hair, or my clothes,
or any of that.
it had everything to do with my heart.

i had, i felt, offered real honest to goodness love.
real, big time, what i think love is, love.
and it left me high as a kite.

then there's the crash...afterwards....
well, that's another blog....and the next chapter on love
for me...

but the point is....i really felt beautiful.
cause i really was offering love.

that's always been a thing with me......
people will tell me i'm beautiful on the inside.
well, thanks. i appreciate that.
but what's that sayin' bout the outside of me, ya know?
i've covered this before.
while that should feel good, it usually feels like the
consolation prize.

but at this time when i felt beautiful, i knew the beauty
was coming from the inside. i knew that.
and i didn't need it anywhere else.
if you had stopped me and asked me to go look in the
mirror, i prolly woulda said it's leaking out to the
outside of me too...
but i didn't think about it.

i was just soaring in the feeling.

and i realized that i am just gettin' my toes wet with love.
just now. at almost 50.
and this celebrating that i do each february,
well, maybe each year it gets a little deeper for me.
maybe each year it grows inside of me a little more.

and it makes me so grateful for this silly holiday coming up.
cause love is my job. it's what i work at. it's what i'm
trying to learn. it's what i want to be when i grow up.

and life is tellin' me this month that there's a whole heck of a lot
of angles to it. and that i've got a whole lot more to learn about it.

so even if it slams me again, and i'm in a hole on the 14th and
tryin' to figure out what hit me, i want to remember that i'm
learning. and it's what i want most to learn ever. and that i really
am growing in love.

and that's a whole lot to celebrate!