happy valentine's day!

i came down this morning to my studio, and there sitting on
my desk was flowers, and all kindsa goodies i love...
including dark chocolate covered blueberries!
i gasped.
noah and zakk had put them there for me last nite after
i went to bed.

i flipped open my email and there was an e-card from someone
i know thru bone sighs.

i signed on facebook, and there on my wall was a happy valentine's
day wish from josh, and in my private email, a nice note from one
of bob's sons. not a valentine note...but one with love just the
same...

noah joined me for a walk and we had to detour and slip some
valentine's in neighbor's mail boxes....i felt like a school
kid passing out my valentines.

a real good start to a day celebrating love, i'd say.

i love all that fluff and fun! i enjoy this kinda stuff so much.
i like to play. i like the thoughtfulness of all this stuff.
it's good good stuff.

the love stuff tho....all the facets of love, the growing and
learning in love - my gosh, there's so much to it.

i've been thinking that no matter what spot you're in today,
i think it's important to hold on to some kinda love.

someone wrote last nite that they lost their son right before
valentine's day three years ago.

obviously, i don't think they should enjoy the holiday. i think this
time of year will be filled with pain and struggle. i only hope
that love does wrap around them. quietly. gently. and i'll be over
here sending that to her in my own way. without her even knowing it.

that's the thing....love's like that. it's there. sometimes even
when we don't feel it, it's still there. all around us.

i figured that out thru my own dark stuff. when i thought it was gone.
it was all over me. it was simply all over me. all around me.
just not in the way i figured it should be. it was only til later
that i realized it.

last nite i got into an email conversation with an old friend.
he told me he understood love, in response to my sayin' i'm just
now starting to 'get it' a tiny bit.

he told me he got it, and in the same paragraph he told me how
destructive his relationship was to both him and his wife.
same paragraph.

i had to put out that i disagree.
that destruction and love don't go together.
i don't care if he hears me or anyone else hears me.
i had to say that out loud cause that very thought makes me
shudder. i had to say it out loud for me.

i've lived the destructive stuff. i've had people do destructive
stuff and turn around and tell me they love me.

love is not destructive.
and i know we all have different definitions of what love is.
but i can't go with that one at all.

love is what wraps around us when there's destruction going on
in our lives.

that much i know.

someone else commented on not having the boyfriend and feeling
alone with that. or having the boyfriend and it just all not meeting
expectations.

oh my gosh, do i know that one! how many valentine's days just totally
flopped before i figured out it wasn't about this romantic pressure deal.
it's about spreading love.

i finally figured out it's about me spreading love to those i love.
after that, valentine's day turned beautiful. and no, it's not cause i
have a significant other. cause i gotta tell ya, he hasn't figured out
the beauty of the day yet. and i'm okay with that.

there is so much to this love topic.
no wonder it stirs all kindsa things in people today.

i want to just put out there that love is all around. all around.
and the more we go out and spread it, the more we feel it.
and if you're sad, that's okay too.
if you don't have the energy to spread it, that's okay too.
cause others do, and they will if you open to them.
it's not about romantic love...it's about human love.
painful, struggling, gorgeously deep, happy, joyous and complicated human love.

happy valentine's day!