an overhaul

wow.
i'm doin' an overhaul.

yankin' the veins out.
cleanin' out the gunk around the heart.
checkin' under the lungs.
scrapin' the brain freeze off.

i think maybe over the years i've gotten stronger.
strike that.
i KNOW over the years i've gotten stronger.

and now.
i've come to some real cleanin' out time.

i couldn't have done it before.
had to build the muscle first.
i am positive of that.

i have this visual with me with the doc's cap on,
the mask, the gloves...standin' over me.
two me's.
the doc me. the me being operated on.

and the doc me is yanking the vein system right on out.

'we need to replace these.
nurse! i want some clean, vibrant, star studded,
wide open, freshly flowin' vein systems to stick
on in here!'

'the eyes.
we need to take this darn veil off the lens here.
there's this filter that needs to go.'

that's where i'm at.

actually, i've been doin' this work for years.
but it's different right now.

it feels really major.
really hard.
and really right.

like it's time.

why is it i have a feeling it's gonna be a life time
of cleanin' out?

i read in some book somewhere about how we have to keep
'changing our maps.'....that's how we grow.

that's what i do believe i'm doin' right now.

and this change...this one feels like i'm in on my own.
my guy's there ready to help me. i know that.
my sons, my friends, they're all around me loving me.
i know that.

but i'm the one yanking out the system and gearin' up
for a replacement.

and i'm still readin' the manual on how to do that.

think i'll be bent over awhile in concentration.
this vein hooks up here. this piece of heart gunk gets
scraped off with this tool here.

i'm kinda nervous.
and yet, feel like it's about time.

scalpel!