regularly scheduled coffee breaks....

i heard myself say it.
so earnestly....so 'this is the way it is.'

'if you don't like the outcome, look at your approach.
i'm not sayin' you have to change who you are. just look
at what you're doing. if that's affecting the outcome,
do you want to do that? or do you want to change your
approach?'

so matter of factly.
like i know this stuff and do it all the time.
yep. sure.

i've so got the answers when the problems aren't mine!

and i sit back and think 'okay, missy, what's weighing
heavy on you that you'd have the answers for for someone else??'

and i thought of someone who's pain makes my heart ache.
sometimes it can ache so much i feel overwhelmed.

that's goin' on right now for me.

the pain is icky. 'dysfunctional' doesn't even seem to
come near describing it. 'messed up' falls way short.
'overwhelmingly awful' comes to mind as the best description
i can come up with.

and i sit with this 'overwhelmingly awful' and don't know what
to do with it.

until i step out of myself and imagine me being a friend of mine.
one i'd sit down at coffee with and hash thru life and dilemmas with.

'put it down. it's not yours. oh, sure, feel sad. you can do that.
but put it down. it's already weighing heavy enough on the world.
use it for fuel for the good in your life. creating the good, concentrating
on the good. use it for fuel...not for weight. the only place you
can transform this is inside you. nowhere else. look there.
and use it for good.'

okay.
okay.
i can hear that.
i can prolly even do it (with a few slip ups here and there)

well.
shoot.
i wonder if i could make this a new technique.
sit down with a cup of coffee with myself.
pretend there's two of me.
it's not like i don't do that kinda thing routinely anyway.

why not to go to for support and advice???
why not go to my grown up woman part who does know a few things
and can share them???

oh man.
this could get pretty funky awesome....

wouldn't it just be so darn cool to be stuck on something
and sit down with coffee with yourself and discuss it???
and get some helpful advice???
and just feel better for having talked it out???
and for feeling seen???
like you do with your girlfriends???

what if this was routine???

i wrote down something brene said in the podcast yesterday....
about how we have to understand what it is that really keeps us
from believing we are enough.

i've kinda generally, vaguely been rollin' stuff around in my
head wondering how to approach growing my self worth and my own
value of myself.

this coffee deal?
this going to myself for help???
i swear, as silly as it sounds, it also sounds really healing to me.
really healing.

i think i'm gonna start making some regularly scheduled coffee breaks.
with myself.

i mean........why not???