sigh

walking hard and fast this morning,
it was once again like i was trying to run to an answer.
i knew it and kept the pace up.

heading back home from my walk, i knew i needed more.
turned around and headed to my goodmorningworld spot.
i miss that longer walk. and today i needed it.

got to the corner, looked at the pastel colors in the sky
and shook my head at it.

why always a test? i asked.
why always some big thing as i'm tryin' to get a new idea
down???

frustrated, i stood there looking at that soft sky.

i stood there as the answer went thru me...

you wouldn't want to think you've got it when you don't,
would you?
you want to really put it into practice, don't you?

sigh.

yeah.
i do.
and i turned and walked hard and fast some more.

HOW do i REALLY put this theory into the practical??
HOW do i REALLY shift my insides and rewire my thinking??

it's one thing in theory.
it's a whole 'nother thing in life.

there for a brief moment i had it.
i could feel it.

i had it.

it was when i took the focus off of me.
when i put the focus on the other.

and just as quickly, i lost it.

back and forth i wrestled as i walked.

i'd get it again.
a different angle.
really knowing everything i needed was inside of me.
really knowing that, i'd have it.

and then, bam......it'd slip away again.

walkin' back up to my driveway, i saw my neighbor.
a gentle soul.
we stopped and talked.
i soaked in his gentle spirit.

we ended up talking for awhile.

just standing there looking at him helped me.

something about his gentleness and patience.

turning towards my house i smiled.

more painting the kitchen for me today.
with gentleness and patience for myself.....