stephey's blog hop!

“she realized her heart hadn't just opened -
it had been spun around and tilted
until it had turned toward the sun.
open, facing the sun,
she could feel god again.”


ha! i get to play with stephey and a whole bunch of really cool women!
and i'm feelin' pretty darn lucky about that...and also typically goofy.
she set this up where on a specific day we post a blog that answers one of the questions she provided.
that all sounds simple enough.
only thing is, i goofed on the directions and sent her my blog thinking she was gonna post it. not me. um. yeah. what can i say?
i was all early and conscientious. i just had the directions all wrong!
she graciously accepted what i sent her to include on her blog and asked if i felt like doin' another for mine.
how nice is that?!
thank you stephey, for being so kind about the whole deal.

if you haven't been over to the blog hop, you'll want to stop on by!
it's a great gathering of some awesome women. and valerie skinner is my partner in posting today! be sure to go check valerie out!!

i grabbed this question - 'what message is your heart eager to share?' because ever since the 'white tree theory,' i'm starting to understand something differently than i ever have before. and i'd love to share it!

not familiar with the white tree theory?
well, probably not as i made it up.

in a nutshell......it's the idea that every single one of us 'comes down to earth' with a white tree. we all have this gorgeous white tree that is strong and beautiful and healthy and reaches its arms to the heavens. it's a symbol for our inherit goodness, our inherit beauty, our value, our core - that kinda stuff.

but as we go along thru life, it gets hacked, sawed, burned and sometimes...as i was feeling recently.....it gets demolished.

so i had this visual of the tree.
my tree.
and it was pretty bleak.
ashes, charred bits, rubble...
a very discouraging visual.

after i got done kind of freaking out from the feeling that this is what's driving me, this is what's underneath me...and the shock of that thought...i came to a question.

'how do i get it back?'

how do i get my white tree back in all its glorious splendor??

the answer to that is what feels different to me.
and that's what i'm anxious to share.

i think up until very recently i was in 'builder' mode. i had to build my life back. i had to build my core back. i had to find the bricks, the beams, the materials. i had to find them, put them together, do the carpentry, do everything.

but with the visual of the tree, i end up looking at it from a different angle.
a completely different angle.
it's not one of building.
it's one of allowing.
it's one of shoving the debris aside and making room for the sun.

and that's the difference......

the work that i have to do for this to happen is different than the work that i have been doing before.
it's more of being aware of how i block the sunshine. it's more of being aware of how i stop the nutrients. it's more of a getting out of my own way.

there's definitely work involved.
i have to keep watching, i have to keep the awareness.
and then, when i see myself accepting things that will block the sunshine or nutrients, i have to put those things down! i have to go towards things that are sunshine and nurturing for me.

not always easy. but with the visual in front of me, with the question always in my mind 'does this grow the tree??' well, it seems to put a whole great focus on what it is i'm doing.

i don't feel it's any less work, i just feel it's way, way more productive work.
there's more of an allowing involved here for me.
allowing my own goodness to come forth.
not trying to make it happen.

and.
and.

and.
i think that in that allowing there's another message that's so incredibly valuable and important.
one that only adds to the process.

one that only adds to the beauty.

in the act of allowing, i'm also saying i believe that it's there. it's there already. i know that it exists. i know i don't have to build this. i already have it. deep, deep inside of me. i am that beauty and that goodness and that strength.

i am that already. all i need to do is let it grow.

that's one heck of a message to be holding.
it's a concept that i've heard in different ways in my head and around my head for years.
yeah. yeah yeah, i'd nod when people would tell me i already am what i want to be.
yeah. yeah. yeah.
nod and smile.
cause i 'knew' what they meant.
in my head i knew.

it wasn't til recently that my bones trembled with the message.
that my spirit soared with the thought.
and i understood in a whole different way.

and that's what my heart is eager to share - it's in you. your white tree.
it's right there in you.
in me.
in us.
waiting for us to know it.
how cool is that?!


'a tree of life.
a tree of knowledge.
a tree of soul.
a tree of goodness.
a tree of her.
it was her core.
burnt.
scarred.
hacked.
cut.
chopped
and carved in.
it was still there.
pushing the ashes out of the way,
making room for sunlight
and water -
she nurtured it back to fullness,
she nurtured it back to life.
and she and her tree
held the sky and its moon
and together, they danced
and together, they grew.'