Wednesday, March 23, 2011

tryin' hard to nutshell...

i am in the midst of really working with something that i think is probably
one of the most important concepts i'll ever work with. i musta talked about
it at some point because it's been told to me before and it's been in my head
before. but never before have i been workin' with it like this.

and this morning on a walk, i almost stopped in the middle of the street.
it so totally hit me that it's not gonna just be for one part of my life...
it will be for all parts of my life.

i'll nutshell it or we'll have a book here. i hope it makes sense.

this is where i got it, and probably the easiest to explain -
whether you're in a relationship or not, picture one...and apply this...

you think love is expressed in a certain way. to you, love is this, this, this and this. to your partner, while they can certainly see that stuff as loving, that's not
what their view is, and they don't even think about those things.

ah. groan. a set up for pain, yes?

but throw in this know your partner loves you. you truly believe that. and you know he (she) doesn't mean stuff by this stuff that feels hurtful.
hmmmm....okay. what do you do with that?

you try over and over to understand. but it's making no sense to you.

and don't forget, they do love you. so they're busy offering love to you.
and suppose they offer love in ways that you don't see it?

oh man, adds a little more to the mess, doesn't it?

here's the line to pay attention to:
'spose you MISS LOVE because of what you THINK love SHOULD look like?

read it again.

it's complicated and we could write a book here on it.
but i'm nutshelling. so bear with me.

i have done and do that all the time.
and i have finally really really accepted this and am working on it.
intensely working on it.
had to start painting my kitchen to really give myself time to think.

working on it means looking at the beliefs i'm carrying around and how those
beliefs block my view and get me stuck on myself.

working on it is allowing me to sit back and be much more open and watch much
more clearly. and yes, i was given a test that was huge for me after i really
got this thought. i did okay with it. not bad. not fantastic. but pretty good
for someone who's just learning. and it gave me a chance to see all the threads
involved. this is big stuff. complicated. (and we're not even talking about THEIR part in all of this...that's for another time.)

and prolly deserves thousands of blogs.
but we're moving on! :)

walking today i thought of my journey with bone sighs.
yesterday i had to step up and say out loud that i believed in what i was doing
and knew it would work even tho all the facts looked against me. it took some
strength for me to do so, but i believed it with all my heart.

i walked and thought of that belief.
how important it was.
how there was so much power in believing in something beyond you...
even when you had no answers about that stuff that was beyond.
you just believed.

one thing led to another (and i swear, i'm trying to nutshell!) and i got to
thinking of faith. i saw one area inside me where i had solid faith in something.
just solid. not a drop of doubt. (not bone sighs....something else)

then i thought of all the places i doubted. and there are plenty.
and i thought of bone sighs and how i believe in them, but the faith waivers
in the hard times and i have doubt.

AND THEN! i thought of this whole concept i started the blog with........
the stuff i'm learning in love...
it's GOT to fit everywhere in life.

replace 'love' in that thought with whatever there is in your life that you're
struggling with.

so i went to bone sighs.

what if i just KNOW that bone sighs are working. like i KNOW that my guy loves me.
what if when things don't look like i think they should, i know that there are no
shoulds. that i am making the shoulds. and what if i know that.
what if my beliefs that i'm carrying around and not examining are blocking my view
to knowing that bone sighs are and will continue to work. it's MY BELIEFS THAT AREN'T WORKING NOT THE BONE SIGHS! and what if i just knew that.

well, look at that....

i do believe that's faith.

the whole concept i started with is faith.

who knew???

and perhaps the thing that gets in the way of faith is our own ideas of what
things should look like.

and perhaps instead of putting so much energy into making things look the way
we think they should....perhaps the energy should be in putting those things
down and getting out of the way.

and maybe everyone else in the world knows this...
but for me the earth is shaking today and i'm loving it....


Merry ME said...

I continue to be amazed that you can think all these deep, circuitous thoughts and walk at the same time. I'd trip over a crack or walk into traffic.

Have you read 5 Love Languages?

terri said...

nooooooooo and i'm thinking maybe i'd better look that book up! :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Terri, I love to think and walk or walk and think...but we have 12 or 14 inches of snow here...but that isn't relevant.

I think you've hit on something that is very profound for many of us, okay...ME on my journey, which is accepting, truly, that I'm loved. I listened to Brene Brown do a Ted Talk yesterday and one of the topics she touched on was that deep down belief that we are worthy, loveable, persons of value. I think one of the reasons she quoted you was because your bone sigh work is so often rooted in trying to get others to believe in their value, to instill hope, to not be the ones that fell into the darkness without knowing that someone cared.

I've read the five love languages, and I've worked with Meyers Briggs personality profiles, etc. But I think what you are talking about Terri is knowing something in the core of your soul (heart, gut, mind, whatever works) that no one can take away from you. That is life changing...and I hope that many of us can let that love get so far inside of us that it infects all the other thoughts, voices, internal editors, external financial consultants.

What joy, what vulnerability that opens us up to. I pray for that day....when the voice entrenched in me is drowned out by the new voice....that just knows.

Sheila said...

Brilliant, Terri! Thanks!

Sherry said...

"and perhaps instead of putting so much energy into making things look the way
we think they should....perhaps the energy should be in putting those things
down and getting out of the way."

...Terri, could you explain this last part more??