Monday, April 11, 2011

if i had known.......

life is odd.

it just is.

and kinda cool.

here i am so totally entangled with this goofball guy of mine.
when my life settles down, his goes nuts.
and when his life is quiet...mine wait.
his is never quiet.
well, kinda. in their own kinda way.
when they get in their own kinda quiet, mine goes nuts.
and then when both his is nuts and mine is nuts...
well, then, there's just no hiding from it - it's all nuts.

some of that stuff can be pretty heavy stuff.

we've learned a lot about how to be there for the other thru
it all.

he knows now to ask what he can do and i know now to step aside
and give him some space. we mostly know when to speak and when
not to. when to hold and when to let go.

i tried to offer comic relief to him this morning.
that didn't work so well. i sitll need to learn that part.
well, it helped me out.
but um...that wasn't the goal.
i took it as a side perk tho.

i walked and thought about it all.
the long long long road we've traveled in the not all that long time
we've known each other. feels like lifetimes. all the work, effort,
time and caring.

we both thought it would bring different results.
prolly a good thing neither of us knew how some of it would go.
and life isn't over.
results change again and again and again.
we both know that. still, there are certain things that won't change.
and that's hard sometimes.

would i have done it if i had known when i was first starting with him?

i don't think so.
i don't think i would have.
i'm pretty sure i would have run the other way.

am i glad i didn't know?
way glad.

cause while there's so much that has sucked, it hasn't been what's
been between the two of us. what's been between the two of us has
had to weather all the other.

and i never coulda seen that part if i had been allowed to peek in
and decide.

that weathering has been our strength.
that weathering has taught us about each other - and so much about
our own selves.
and it's pushed us into learning how to love.

if i could have picked, if someone woulda put options in front of me
and said 'here, pick which romantic life you'd like.' you can be sure,
i woulda picked the smooth easy pretty one!

good thing that never happened.
i woulda missed the most amazing man on the planet.

life is odd.
and kinda cool.

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