there are times when the different angles of life sparkle in just a certain
way that they grab my eyes and open my heart to something deep.
my sons were that sparkle yesterday.
you see, we had celebrated to the max already. they gave me all of friday.
and it touched me so much.
and then saturday, between the funeral and the family time afterwards,
they gave me yet another day.
sunday was a breather. we caught up on some work and just did whatever we
needed to do.
my plan for monday, my actual birthday, was to just take it easy, work a bit,
but slowly, and absolutely give them a break from birthday festivities.
i had a breakfast meet up with my mom planned and then just pleasantly goofin'
my day away
and there they were.....right by my side.
i told them to go away. shoo. do their thing. work. catch up on all that they've
missed. be gone.
zakk did slip away for a little bit.
to mow our elderly neighbor's yard before the rain.
i smiled when i glanced down the back yards and saw him
standing there talking to her.
he checked three times with me before he left to make sure i was okay with that.
his caring touched me so much.
and for that to be the reason to go do something.......well, i couldn't have
been more taken with his heart.
noah had some work he had to get done.....
go.
do it!
he did it, and then returned.
right there asking me what it was i wanted to do next.
i shook my head, told him i was good.....go work!
'it's your fiftieth birthday, mom. no. we're gonna celebrate!'
josh hung out as long as possible before work. then stopped by after work.
right there, back into the flow as soon as possible.
all three of them sat me down at one point for one last present.
they said they wanted to make me something meaningful (as if they hadn't already)
and handed me a clock they made out of drift wood from the river near josh.
it's totally beautiful. something i'll keep forever.
i looked at them and was just totally in awe of their hearts.
noah talked of presents. of what he saw about gifts and the giving of them.
of how much they mattered and what it was they said to the person receiving
them.
i looked at him and listened.
i saw how each of these guys really understood the importance of letting
people know they mattered. in ways they could see it and hold it. of being
there to celebrate someone, and truly being present.
i saw so clearly, in a way i hadn't ever seen before.
i knew they had huge hearts.
i knew they were golden.
but yesterday i saw how they had grown into such loving men who understood
how to honor another.
and i understood very deeply how that was no small thing.
snugglin' down in my covers i realized i had a lot to do with that.
i don't think i was their only teacher by any means.
i think watching what people DON'T do has taught them just as much
as anything else. but i do know i had a real hand in the guiding.
i do know that.
and i held it last nite.
and i thought about all the 'what's it all about?' questioning i do.
i thought about all the wondering about where i'm going in my life.
guiding them into the world is the most significant thing i could ever
do, i thought.
and look.
there they are.
already there.
anything else is gravy, i thought.
smiled.
and wiped the tear that was rollin' down my face.
'happy birthday, girl' i whispered....
and fell asleep with a heart full of love.
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