i'm thinking i like 50 already....and i'm not even officially there til monday.
it's been such a weird weird lead up to it.
i started out kickin' and screamin' and diggin' my heels in. then i felt like i got
more lessons slammed into my face than i ever wanted. and then i got unhinged and had
one of the hardest weeks i've had in ages. and then any celebrating plans got so
mixed up cause of sad events happening around me. we're actually attending a funeral
today instead of the day of celebrating we had planned. bob looked at me the other
nite and said he had all the 'one foot in a grave' decorations planned and now was
stuck as we'll just be getting back from a funeral for real when we actually do
celebrate. i grinned, told him he could still do it, and he just said it wasn't
the same. i had to agree. all was off kilter.
and then.......life handed me exuberance. and something i've been searching for
and workin' on for ten years came to me. the gift of my life lit up like neon and
i have never felt happier, richer or more tickled in my whole life. i mean that.
and that's no small thing to say as you enter fifty.
so yesterday, the guys and i grabbed the day. the celebrating would begin. we'd
mix it inbetween the sadness and we would still celebrate. it was richer, and deeper,
and more meaningful to me than ever.
there was lunch out, there was stopping and checkin' out josh's new office space
and sitting there and planning and dreaming with him. there was a house project
we came home and worked on...i wanted to do it for the symbolism....the house symbolized
me and we were lighting up the darkest room yesterday. that was the project. the guys
put in recessed lighting - RECESSED LIGHTING - how symbolic is that??? it was so fun.
there was the serious talk we ended up having thru it about the hard years we went
thru together as a family. i cried a bit, and we really talked about what we went thru.
it meant so much to me.
and then there was the laughter and their stories about the gifts they had for me.
josh had come thru earlier while i was out with the other two and decorated with all
the black streamers and balloons....
they're taking me on a day trip to new york for my present.
how do you package that???
like the creative, brilliant geniuses that they are!
i was stunned at the things they made for the trip.....fake tickets, and game
cards and parking tickets and all kindsa amazingly designed things in a
box that they got special as they know i love boxes.
the time they took, the research they did....it was impossible not to feel loved.
there was my very own welder's cap. which meant a ton to me.
they've been so busy, i haven't asked them for a welding lesson. and i've so wanted to.
it was like they were letting me know they haven't forgotten.
i put the cap on and kept it on all evening.
there were home made cards.......oh my gosh.....again. i got more homemade
cards. they have no idea the treasure that is for me.
and there was the golden duck award.
you heard right.
the golden duck award.
josh found a decoy duck in the woods, and they spray painted it gold!
ever since they were small i have told them you can make some of the best gifts
out of zany things. we've spray painted up so many coconuts and given them as
awards.....just goofy things. and here they found a duck!
turns out it was hanging in josh's garage drying last weekend when bob and
i pulled up. they thought for sure we had seen it. i laughed and said we
wouldn't have even noticed as josh has so many goofy things hangin' up in his
house! the stories about how they did all they did......oh such fun....
so there i am holding a golden duck in my hands as josh reads a proclamation
they've written to go with it. it's presented to 'the seekers, outstanding citizens,
and the wise.'
oh my gosh. and you know i'm keeping this golden duck forever!
and then......noah handed me something he made me.
'i'm not sure this will be right, and if it's not, you can just say'
he told me as he handed it to me.
i opened it and the tears just poured down my face.
it's a gorgeous...gosh...what do i call it...........a photo in a frame.
but he created it. it's not a photo. so it's his art. but it looks like
a photo....of a WHITE TREE COMING OUT OF THE ASHES!!!!!!!!!
(if you follow this blog you'll know what that means to me)
i cried and cried and cried.
(and yes, i will put an image up later!!!)
i thanked each one of them with tears in my eyes last nite, when i went to bed.
and yet......HOW do i thank them for what they add to my life???
and we're not even done!'
tonite is celebrating with bob.........
after the boys and i attend a funeral.
how weird is that?!
as if i could forget how precious my life is.....i'll be reminded big time.
i will be there next to my friend as she grieves the loss of her husband.
i'll be coming home to my guy and celebrating life with him.
there is gonna be something so profound hanging in the air around us tonite.
and i think that in itself is amazing.
holding my weekend like a treasure in my hands.
and hopefully, holding my whole life that way.......