part one of something.......i'm not sure what......

so i've been telling myself not to write about it as it's too personal.
which makes me laugh right now as that's always been the whole point of this blog.
personal and real.

but this time the personal overlapped into another person's personal and well,
i figured i couldn't write about it because of that.

thing is, this is THE stuff i need to write about and share. it's the stuff about
growing and becoming more. so i decided i had to. and i'd just keep it away from
my partner as much as possible. altho, he's gonna be scattered in here because
he's a huge part of the deal.

it centers around this whole engagement deal, but so so so isn't about being
engaged. truth is, nothing's changed with all that stuff. we've been planning
on getting married for awhile now. and the plans are still off in the distance
with no particular time in mind. that all needs to be understood or i'm afraid
the 'romance' of the engagement and ring will be what gets seen, and while
totally lovely, it's truly not the point at all.

truth is, he had planned a 'romantic' setting and the whole deal.....
had the place picked out and that kinda thing. and then it all changed and
became spontaneous and very very real. which, for me, is perfect.

but it's that realness i want to talk about.

cause i believe it's the realness, the work, the love and the timing that
all brought me to a new spot in my life. one where things truly are different
for me.

someone said yesterday that she believes the 50's are spiritual.
and i gotta say from the one short month i've been in them, i'm thinking she's right.

because what's goin' on in me is so completely profound and oh my gosh...
dare i say 'holy'??? and i noticed that this is the second time in that first
month of being fifty that i'm using the holy word for stuff goin' on inside of me.

i want to explore it here.
i want to figure out where i'm going with it.
what does it really change?
and what does it open up for me?

so i'll break here. make this part one. and go type part two.
if you're still interested by the time you hit here,, join me in part two....