i didn't see it coming,
and certainly hadn't planned it.
and when i saw it land at my feet,
my first thought was 'ah, no. i don't want to deal with this today.'
i knew i could.
i knew i would.
and i knew it was time.
i looked at my calm.
wow, go figure, i marveled.
i'm up for this.
i'm not only up for this,
i'm ready for this to happen.
and then i did something i've been preparing for for years.
i spoke my truth with my whole heart.
i wasn't apologetic, nor was i cruel.
i was honest, straight talking, and real.
and i said everything i wanted to without hesitation.
because i wanted to say these things.
because it was time i spoke them out loud.
not because i wanted to change any results,
or anyone's thinking, or anything.
i just wanted to say my truth out loud.
claim it, and step out of the game.
now that this had landed at my feet,
i would finally do what i had been building up to for years.
i have never in my life put my truth out with such conviction
i realized later it was not only because i had been workin' on
this stuff for years. and i could so see how that helped me out
here....but also.....because i had nothing left to lose.
if i felt i had things to lose, i would have been nervous,
instead i was calm and confident.
i have always loved that line in that janis joplin song...
the bobby mcgee one......
'freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose.'
i felt that freedom today.
and another shift inside me took place.
i feel a profound sense of accomplishment tonite.
i truly have found my voice.