just mulling this morning......

a friend of mine is living a love story in her life right now.
i've been lucky enough to watch this beginning.
it's an unusual one. full of struggle right off the bat.
wouldn't wish it on anyone, and yet, this has been
really really amazing for me to watch. and i wonder if maybe
i really would wish this on someone.

she's a woman who's done a ton of inner work.
and she's been using the things she's learned along the way
to focus on what's going on inside of her and to work there.
not to lay every piece of the struggle on the guy who's
captured her heart.

and she's sharing the work with me.
so much of what i've been thru with bob relates, and
so i can cheer her on and understand and offer hope.

i watched a bump for her yesterday and shot out an encouraging note.

last nite, i had my own personal stuff goin' on for me.
none of it involved bob. and yet, all of it did. because it was the love
that he and i created that changed how i worked with this other stuff in
my life.

i had almost started down the 'self doubt' road.
one that certain things/certain people send me down really really easily.
one that i've gone down often. one that takes me to destructive places.
and i lifted a foot to turn in that direction.

and something just stopped me.
i didn't even put my foot down that way.
i turned it back opposite that, and said 'no. i'm not goin' there.'

and i knew i wasn't goin' there because of the love i have in my life.
it's changed me.

i didn't NEED to go down there.
i knew it'd do me no good.
and i didn't NEED the negative.

(and yeah, i think when you're not healthy, the negative calls you.
the less healthy, the more calling you hear...and everyone gets called
cause no one's THAT healthy....)

i've been thinking a whole lot about life/death/the point of it all/love.
a whole lot.

and here's something to add to the pieces i've collected so far -
love has changed me and made me better.
i don't know if 'better' is the right word........
'more me' might work more better.
'healthier' might work as well.

i thought of my friend and her bump earlier. wherever she goes with
this relationship, it doesn't matter. because it's making her more her.
in her trying to work with herself, she's becoming more and more healthy.

love can do that.
and so can struggle.
altho, you need love in the struggle, do you not?
and if you think there's no one there offering love in that struggle.....
don't even forget self love.

this love/life stuff is really fascinating me........