Monday, October 24, 2011

womb mode

nobody's died.
at least not right close to me.
but the subject has been brought up in such a close way that i've now
got the dancin' with the death thoughts goin' on.

the theme runs all thru the 'women who run with the wolves' book,
and i'm grateful for that. some food for thought.

but yesterday i decided i needed something to hold on to.
for my own various reasons, i don't have the religion thing to hold on to.
so what can i hold on to for a bit here to help me focus the swirling thoughts?

and last nite, in the shower, it came to me to 'listen to my body.'
i can tell you i listen to the shower talk very seriously.
well, i always laugh when i say it cause it's so silly. but it's sillily serious.

so i started thinking about that.

one of the things i thought i could do to honor my sister in law is to try to
be as healthy as i can possibly be.
and then, i ate junk that i don't even usually eat.
i just binged.
off to a good start there.
and i looked at that whole thing.
i ate the junk cause i'm emotionally unstable about all this.
and then i knew i wasn't doin' the honoring thing....and it just wasn't good.

so i hesitated about this whole listening to your body thing.
when i'm upset i'm not so good about it.

but i think that's the point.

what if i just really listened.
i know i have a food problem. when my emotions are outta control,
i want to eat.
but what if i stopped there. and listened to my body?

that's gonna be way harder to do than to type...but i really got to thinking
about it. THAT is where the focus comes in. that is where there's trust
beyond the moment. that's where i can stop and listen.

and so i went on from there.
thought of different ways i could listen.
thought of my dreams too.
work with them. actively.

i used to do that, but stopped listening.

i have been such a big believer in the 'wise one inside.'
i've felt that part of me before, and i'm in awe of that part of me.
that part we all have.

and yet, i ignore it.

that's what this is all about.
the wise one inside.
the connectedness to the 'all' that is in each one of us.

i believe in that stuff.

maybe that's what i ought to hold.
and maybe the way i do that is by trying my best to listen to my body.

i got excited about this last nite.
mentioned it to my sons.
said 'i need a name for it.'
and without even knowing what i was doing i took the first
letters from 'wisdom of my body' and started to sound out w-o-m-b.
and when my quicker than lightning brain figured out i had 'womb'
i actually shrieked in delight!


i'm goin' in to womb mode.........
and i'm thinking this may help.......


Jymi said...

I love your honesty and your willingness to share it with all of us...
Much love

Merry ME said...

Laughing, cause I think I've recently done the same thing ... about knowing something's good for me and wanting to hold it then doing the same old thing.

Last month, the whole reconnect and reparent my "Inner Child" seemed like the path I needed to be on and healing I needed to do to process some of this lingering grief I'm feeling. Got Bradshaw's book, journaled, went to therapy, etc. One night I/Little Me just ached inside. We were both crying. I wanted to hold her and got all caught up in semantics. FInally, I just let my arms wrap around myself and hug me/her. I fell asleep in my own arms. Does that sound weird?

ANyway, that's what I was thinking when I read your post. Really, you do have something to hold on to. You. But your womb acronym is perfect. I can see you holding your tummy, as if 8 months preggers, embracing the love that's inside.

Praying for you and your sister-in-law. I hope as she walks towards the light that she sees your beautiful face smiling at her and loving her and releasing her back to Spirit.

terri said...

thanks, jymi....
and mar, your last line made me cry. thank you. and NO it didn't sound weird about you falling asleep in your own arms. i love that!